My brother walked to a different beat

(Tuesday, August 15, 2017)
My brother Charles walked to his own beat in life and he refused to walk on the beaten path. He took the road less traveled, clearly with some sad results. A balky back and significant pain led to some dubious health and personal decisions. As my wife says, people are people. On Saturday, August 12 at 6:04 p.m. the world lost a kind and gentle soul, a keen and quirky intellect, and regardless of what anyone else saw or says, the world lost a man with a heart of gold. My brother died peacefully in his sleep.
Charles cared more for the well-being of others than his own well-being. This was evident in his appearance, his behavior, and his outlook.

When Charles was a teenager and my dad would go out to drink or whatever  – I was 9 or so at the time – Charles would sacrifice his free time as a teenager to keep me occupied with sports or whatever games we could improvise. We would play basketball with rolled-up socks and empty trash cans, or nickel basketball and matchbox football on the kitchen table. He wouldn’t leave me by myself with a little baby in the house (younger brother Tom).  Thanks, Charles.

 My brother Charles introduced me to tai chi chuan, which has become my passion and a lifelong pursuit. He paid for the first year of my tai chi classes – $20 a month for a one-hour class on Sunday mornings at 9 a.m. I was 18 years old and struggled to wake up 8 a.m. every Sunday morning. But I rarely missed class because Charles paid. And I didn’t want to disappoint him.

Charles quit tai chi after a year or so – an ill-fated decision -- but I never left and still practice nearly an hour a day. I’m not particularly good at chi, but I like to think it keeps me moderately healthy.  It seems to help me relax a little and most important, I really enjoy it. Thanks, Charles.

At Brandywine high school, I was on the wrestling team. Charles played the key role in the most meaningful victory in my mediocre athletic career. I was engaged in a real battle with a kid named McLaughlin (or something Irish-Catholic like that). I used to attend McLaughlin’s all-boys, Catholic high school, Salesianum. I left because I didn’t “fit in.” Anyway, I was losing to McLaughlin 12-11, with seven seconds left in the match. Exhausted and already accepting defeat, I looked up and saw Charles, who gave me a fist-pump and mouthed the words “still time.” And honest to God, I turned my opponent on his back, got 2 points, and won a bitter, controversial and emotional 13-12 victory. My win enabled Brandywine to tie Salesianum in the overall match. In other words, I denied the Catholics victory. Thanks, Charles.

Charles was much more loved than he knows. Yes, there were the health fads, the moods, the anorexia, the smoking and all the other flaws that every one of us have. But Charles also had a heart of gold, and that’s what I’ll remember most about my brother. People who knew Charles in San Luis Obispo have nothing but kind and gracious things to say about him. People have been calling my phone to give condolences. Charles cared more about my health, life, and happiness than his own, and that was true right up until the end.

Love you, Charles.