A hectic trip to spicy Thailand

Phuong's passport now has a stamp from another country. We went to Thailand for five days and it was a whirlwind trip to the say the least.
We did the following in a very short time: rode a bus everywhere; saw a food/dance/comedy show called Nanta; ate bland, mediocre international buffets; saw a tiger show; saw a snake show; ate bland, mediocre international buffets; rode a bus everywhere; went from Bangkok to Pattaya; took a boat ride to a small island and went swimming (actually, I taught Phuong how to swim); went to a sheep petting farm; saw a laser etching of the king's son on the side of a big rock; tried to see the queen; went to a wretched alligator skin store crawling with Chinese tourists; went to a silly 3-D museum; ate lots of exotic fruit; rode an elephant; saw a transexual international cultural show that was awesome; went shopping in Bangkok; got a massage in our hotel room; and ate marvelous Thai street food.
The highlights: street food; transexual international cultural show; the beach and water.
The lowlights: the bus rides; international buffets; alligator store with Chinese tourists; the bus rides and international buffets.
Bangkok is a very modern city. It's packed with freeways and cars, and they ride on the wrong side (the left side) of the road. There aren't nearly as many motorbikes in Thailand as there are in Vietnam. Downtown Bangkok is full of skyscrapers, street food, cars, incense, statues and people. Pattaya is a beach town (more like a city) about three hours by bus from Bangkok. It's a little more laid-back and a little less congested than Bangkok.  We took a bouncy boat ride to an island near Pattaya and went swimming. The salt water was very clear, and we had a nice time. Should have stayed longer, but we got back on the bus.
I like ladies, and boys are OK when they're my students and they behave well. But the blend of ladies and boys isn't my cup of papaya juice. There were many, many lady-boys in Thailand. Either that, or a lot of the pretty girls have Adam's apples and stubble. To each their own, of course, and it's no skin off my butt. Actually, the transexual cultural show we saw had lots of singing, dancing and extravagant costumes, and it was one of our favorite parts of the trip. So there.
The people in Thailand are very nice and polite. Everyone smiles and bows their heads when they greet you. We went with a tour group of Vietnamese folk, and other than cutting in line and reaching across my face at the international buffets, they were quite nice.  One lady in particular was helpful, offering mouthwash to Phuong, who threw up every time we rode the bus the first two days. Phuong had a rough start to the trip, but once we discovered motion sickness pills, she was fine. Phuong found a great outdoor restaurant our last night in Bangkok with spectacular (and spicy) food. By the way, Phuong is an awesome travel companion, and she looks hot in a bathing suit.
I'd certainly recommend a visit to Thailand, and I'd definitely recommend the food, if you can handle the spice. I'd also advise you to avoid international buffets, unnecessary bus rides, and beautiful women with stubble and Adam's apples (unless that's your thing -- to each their own). Thailand gets a thumbs-up, but honestly, it's great to be back in Vietnam, where Tet holiday is in full swing and we were greeted by two scorpions in our living room. There really is no place like home.
Note: I spell transexual with one "s" because internet research informed me that transexuals prefer this spelling to "transsexual."  What the hell do I know?