Words for the wise

The misconception here among a handful of shop owners and other folk is that I´m the White Money, not the White Monkey. If they only knew. But instead of sitting by idly while a few shops overcharge me and others talk about me in Vietnamese when I´m standing in front of them, I´ve actually taken some sort of action. I´ve begun ´´learning´´ the language with YouTube tutorials (Donna is quite nice and doesn´t laugh at me when I try). It´s helped. I can count to 100, name the days of the week, and ask how you´re doing. The intonation and pronunciation are still difficult and will always be, but at least I´m in the neighborhood with some very basic Vietnamese. Just like Peru, people don´t care that you´re clueless, and they talk fast and in the local vernacular. And they´re very impatient when you don´t pick something up right away or pronounce words incorrectly (it´s not easy being a teacher, is it?). But I know charades is hopeless for whatever reason. I point to shoelaces and I´m sold a bra. Are my boobs drooping that low? So that´s why I force people here to listen to my godawful Vietnamese and correct me if they´re so inclined. Interestingly, locals don´t always agree on how to pronounce something, and they´ll argue among themselves quite adamantly about their position. Whatever. Just don´t rip me off and talk about me, unless it´s nice like Donna. I actually believe some people appreciate that I´m trying to adapt. They´re only charging me twice as much instead of three times as much. Just kidding. Some people have told me not to bother learning the language and that no one will ever understand me. Could be, but ignorance isn´t really bliss in this case, and learning words and phrases gives me something to do while I wait for classes to start again in February. Knowledge is good.
I had the wrong day for the Tet holiday, which I want to blame on traveling across the International Date Line but can´t since that doesn´t make any sense. I blame jet lag and no brain. Two days after arriving here, I thought I´d take a nap at 4 in the afternoon and woke up the next day -- 16 hours later. Tet is Friday, I think. I´ve been warned to stay off the roads tonight as people celebrate. Just like New Year´s, when too many people get drunk and drive -- and shouldn´t.
As I´ve said before, the vast, vast majority of people here are extremely kind and generous. They seem even a little nicer this time around. Perhaps they appreciate that I returned. Nah, what the hell am I thinking? There are some folks from other parts of the world drawn to the pretty women here. I´m no threat in that regard and I´ve made my intentions quite clear that I´m here to teach and learn the culture, and no more.
I already miss my kids, but they´re all so busy that we had to scramble to get together when I was in the U.S. Hey, the weather is great here right now. It´s not too hot, and actually gets a tiny bit cool (60s sometimes) at night. Eat your heart out East Coast.
I won´t show off and drop any Vietnamese on you. I´ll just say I can´t wait to teach and see the students again.
I also want to thank my brother Tom and his wife Shaila for letting the White Monkey crash at their pad and eat all their fruit.

(White) monkey see, (white) monkey do

My trip to the frigid and snowy USA was wonderful. I visited family (my superkids Jessica, Caroline, Jack and Alec) and friends while trashing a rental car and picking up a speeding ticket along the way. I spent a lot of money, mostly on medical stuff for which I have no insurance. Come to think of it, I don't really have any insurance -- or brain. But believe it or not, it's good to be back in Vietnam and see VMG staffers, students, teacher Joy and town folk. They're good people who seem to enjoy seeing the "white monkey" living outside his natural habitat. People in the U.S. were very hospitable -- the Sturms (great people), Ron Whiteside (the cat whisperer who is one good dude), my ex-wife Lynda, Tom Eleutario and Becky, Andy and Jane Vincent, and Dunkin' Donuts, where I set an unofficial record for cappuccinos drunk in five weeks. And in the U.S., only one chucklehead cut in line. I did quite a bit of walking in Glen Helen in Yellow Springs, and I also walked my ex-wife's dog.
     I got my motorbike back from Mr. Tu, and immediately entered the insanely busy pre-Tet traffic of Bien Hoa. It looks like prices rise before Tet as well, and one tradition is to give out "lucky money" to everyone. Tet is kind of like Christmas and New Year's rolled into one, and  it's somehow tied to the moon. I haven't done my research. I'm still struggling with the language so I have other issues. It was great to bump into some old students, who I hope to teach in February. I miss those guys. It was also great to get a head massage. My empty head feels wonderful. I'm back at the hotel and it's fine for now.  I visited friends Oanh and Vila, who work at a local restaurant. I won't teach until Feb. 10, so I may go to Cambodia and spend more money.
    I was lucky to get out of the U.S. because snowmaggedon had arrived in Virginia and a car flipped over on the highway leading to Dulles airport, making travel problematic. Snow cancelled my flight to Newark, N.J., so the nice lady at the airport got me on a flight to Tokyo, where I spent a little bit of time because I missed my connection to Vietnam. I made it to Ho Chi Minh City, where I was greeted by friendly VMG staffer Thien. The folk in Vietnam astutely observed -- and promptly told me -- that I've gotten fat. Nothing like home cooking.  I've been sleeping and kicking around Bien Hoa. I've got to be careful. I could get used to this lifestyle. However, I can't wait to start teaching and see the students again. Sometimes, life can be OK, even for a fat white monkey.