Daycare parents finicky about food; visa bid progressing

The parents of our daycare kids are real finicky about what we feed their children.  Too finicky, in my opinion, but it's really none of my business. I'm just an observer to stuff like that. The parents don't want their kids eating cheese or snacks. They're the customer and Phuong is the boss, so I do what I'm told. But before I was told, the kids gathered around me like I was Jesus giving a sermon on the mount when I had cheese and potato chips for a snack one afternoon. I didn't do this daily, but it was kind of a once or twice a week treat for the kids. I still give the toxic treats to Joanna, and I'll sneak her some chocolate as well. I've read that cheese can cause constipation, so I'll limit the portions and frequency for Joanna. The parents haven't complained about peanut butter yet, but they're probably not too familiar with it. I put a big tablespoon of peanut butter on a plate with apples in the morning (no more small pieces of cheese), along with cinnamon-sugar toast with butter, and honey oats cereal. The parents often get the kids some kind of noodle soup, such as Pho, Hu Tieu, even Bun Bo Hue (without blood pudding) for breakfast. Then there's rice and noodles with chicken or some pork for lunch. I have no idea what they have for dinner, but I'm almost certain that rice and/or noodles are on the menu. Again, none of my business. I mention some of this because our daughter was having some constipation issues and I demanded Phuong stop feeding her noodles and rice twice a day (and Phuong demanded I stopped giving Joanna so much cheese). I give Joanna a lunch of oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon and raisins, and sometimes fresh blueberries and jarred peaches. Since I started this about a month ago, all of Joanna's systems are "go" on a clockwork basis. Sorry to talk about poop so much, but that's what parents of little kids do. Or have to do, really.

* * *

The daycare mom who had an issue with her liver is back home from the hospital, sans surgery, and on medication to treat her problem. I'll respect her privacy and provide no more details, but suffice it to say everyone is very pleased.

* * *

Joanna and I are bonding even more these days, and now she knows the words to songs by The Beatles, Felix Pappalardi and Creation, and Youth Lagoon. We listen to this music and dance; it puts Joanna to sleep each day around 1:30 p.m. for about an hour. This little nap serves as a respite for me when I can take care of odds and ends like finishing my blog, putting away laundry, preparing for my two English students, and waxing my Civil  War figurine collection.  Well, laundry, blog, class prep. Daycare is exhausting work, especially for a 64-year-old White Monkey. And Phuong does the heavy lifting.

* * *

We're putting the finishing touches on the DS-260 form and waiting for police records, which are both part of the formal application for Phuong to obtain a visa to come to the United States with her American husband (me) and American daughter (that would be Joanna). If she is rejected, I may drag Phuong and Joanna to Peru, where hopefully I could teach and dominate Phuong in tennis on clay courts. And that's a wonderful segue to my final bit of news: Despite some pain in my left foot from the plantar fascia injury, which has led to pain in my back that is wreaking havoc with my serve, I have courageously fought my way back to the No. 1 family tennis ranking over my sore-shouldered wife. Phuong and I suspect her shoulder is sore from constantly holding and carrying Joanna -- who's pretty heavy for a near-three-year-old -- rather than tennis. Even with my minor physical issues,  I have learned to trust the process.

Daycare mom in hospital; motorbike moron swerves around Joanna; coffee shop accuses me of not paying

The mom of two little girls in our daycare group has been admitted to a hospital in Ho Chi Minh City with an abscess in her liver. We don't have any information on the source or cause of the abscess, but doctors are considering surgery to remove the part of the liver that's been affected, according to the mom.  The mom, who is very bright, is also one of my English students. Obviously, we're quite upset by the news. The mom complained of stomach pain on Friday, and the pain became so severe that she went to the hospital. Tests revealed the abscess. This woman is only 31 years old and her mom passed away recently. I'm a proponent of second and third opinions from other doctors, especially when surgery is being strongly considered. I hope the situation can be handled with medicine rather than any kind of invasive procedure.

* * *

Our daycare kids circle me like buzzards when I try to eat something that they might also like. For example, my frozen chocolate milk in the morning is now a sensation with the kids. So is my frozen yogurt. I guess it's just as well since mooching kids keep me from getting as big as a house with all the food that I eat. But when it's the last yogurt, or last cookie or cupcake, well ... kids rule in our house so guess who gets the goods.

* * *

We walked to the park with our nine daycare kids last week, and Phuong bought this bungee cord type of thing with plastic rings that the children hold; it's designed to help keep the children together and walking in a straight line, more or less. Joanna let go of her ring and wandered into the street. Of course. some typical Bien Hoa lowlife roared up on his scooter at that moment and refused to slow down with Joanna in the street, instead dangerously swerving around her. I yelled at the classy individual to slow down, and he glared at me like he wanted to fight. This happens quite a bit here. Joanna must have sensed my anger and willingness to engage the quality human on the motorbike because she launched into a string of profanities that would have turned a sailor's ears red. I really have to be more careful of my language around her. Besides, I shouldn't get so upset at the scumbags on bikes here. But when they threaten my daughter ....
Most locals ignore the clowns although I've seen a few take exception. They're my heroes.

* * *

At the coffee shop I've been going to for the past six months or so, Nguyen Xuan Truong Coffee, I was accused of trying to leave without paying. In fact, I was outside headed home with headphones on when a waiter came running after me and grabbed my arm, hopefully because I didn't hear him call to me. He communicated that I didn't pay.  Actually, I paid a different waiter as soon as he delivered my coffee (pay as you go and you never owe) and gave him an 8,000 dong tip -- I used to give 10,000 until they raised their prices. Anyway, I went back inside with my accuser, found the other waiter who unenthusiastically and unapologetically agreed that I had paid. I was pissed and told the clown that chased me outside that I don't need to steal a 42,000-dong, watered-down, lukewarm, mediocre-at-best cappuccino and that I had enough money to buy this dump of a coffee shop. That's probably not true, but like I said, I was pissed. Besides, I've been told that foreigners can't own property in Vietnam. Coffee shops are off my list of places to go since most don't understand me when I try to order a cup of coffee, or they think I'm a thief, or the other customers try to cut in line and then stare at me like I'm some kind of White Monkey.

No power; still sick; Joanna and I bond like super glue

We lost power, in every sense of the word, when our electricity was shut off from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. one day last week. Our eight daycare kids got to enjoy our house on a sunny, typically humid, 100-degree day with no air conditioning, a minimum amount of ice, and no functioning fridge for cold drinks. Swimming became the activity of the day, and we let the children stay in the pool as long as they wanted. I went into the kiddie pool as well. There was no napping after a nice, hot lunch of nice, hot soup because there was no air conditioning in our nice, hot nap/play/music/class area.  It was 90 in the house and felt warmer with the kids romping around. I went through four T-shirts, took four showers on the day, and Phuong and I went to bed completely wiped out. I woke up with some weird skin rash on my chest. My poor wife, who does most of the work with the kids, got a rash on her shoulder that required a quick trip to the skin doctor. The kids seemed OK with the heat, and most of them enjoyed the hot soup that is served everywhere all the time. I don't get it, but there are so many things in this world I don't understand.

* * *

I can't shake the flu, cough, sinus mess or whatever that I contracted more than a month ago. Just when I start to feel better, I'll wake up with a sore throat and phlegm in my chest. I've considered the possibility of allergies. There's stuff floating around in the air here beyond my comprehension. I'm very much looking forward to my trip back to the U.S. this year for eye care so I can breathe some clean air again. Yeah, I know that pollution is a fact of life everywhere but it's got a little more juice here since the country is going through something of an industrial revolution in conjunction with its economic development, and it has an increased amount of cars, trucks, motorbikes, people, and people burning trash for religious reasons. Also, the daycare job is a 7:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. gig, so Phuong and I are a little sleep deprived. The trip to the U.S. is looking sweeter and sweeter.

* * *

Phuong's daycare business means Joanna and I are together constantly. We'll dance to "Good Night" by The Beatles and  "Green Rocky Road" by Felix Poppalardi and Creation before naps and bedtime. We'll wake up to "Good Morning Good Morning" by The Beatles. At night, we go "outside" together on our second- and third-floor balconies and look at the neighbor's rats slithering up and down his piles of trash; we'll watch airplanes coming from and going to HCMC; we'll point out the few visible stars and very visible moon in the sky.  Also, Joanna has a remarkable eye: She can spot geckos on black walls at night, and centipedes on the our balconies' floors. And she can see rats like nobody's business -- at the neighbor's, the park, in the streets. I read a minimum of  three stories a day to her, but our library is limited and she has the books memorized. Really. We watch Storybook Nanny videos together, Sesame Street and Dream English with Matt.  The weather and dirty air make going outside difficult at times, but we'll walk to The Coffee House and get a pastry and cappuccino. A lot of people in town know Joanna and seem to take notice of her because she doesn't look like the other kids. Most people are exceptionally nice to her.  I truly believe Joanna belongs in the United States, especially Yellow Springs. She can't believe Jack and his mother cut down the "tree" to kill the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk. "What happened to the tree?" she asks incredulously every time we watch the video. She still talks about the big bug I saved -- it was stuck on its back and being eaten alive by ants on our balcony. Joanna watched in fascination before I flipped it over; it flew away. "Daddy saved the big bug." Maybe I intervened in nature's way and this might not go over real big in Yellow Springs, but a man's gotta do what he thinks is right for his child.

* * *

No word yet on Phuong's interview at the embassy to get a U.S. visa. Our lawyers are double-checking the application and Phuong is obtaining her police records. I expect something might happen in a few months.

* * *

A former high school acquaintance and teammate of mine, Joe Miller, died at the age of 64. I played football and baseball with Miller, and he was a very good athlete. He was awesome in baseball -- had a tremendous arm and amazing pop in his bat. He could run like a deer. Joe was a natural. The thing I liked about Miller was that he wasn't any BS, if you know what I mean. Joe was a straight shooter and didn't get involved in the usual high school crap and locker room nonsense. RIP Joe. I did see Miller wallop a double off the wall about 330 feet away against Rick Widdoes, my wrestling partner/coach/nemesis, who was something of local pitching legend in Delaware. Widdoes recently died.

Eating red ants; giving our daycare kids real American food

Phuong has introduced me to some interesting Vietnamese cuisine lately, most notably a red ant and shredded beef mixture that's a tasty, salty, spicy, crunchy and sour treat. Red ants are served in Thailand, but this particular recipe comes from the central and northern highlands of Vietnam, somewhere north of Da Lat. I'm not a big bug eater, but Phuong insisted I try it. It gets a thumbs-up. The picture doesn't do this concoction justice, but the red ants are clearly visible, not pureed and masked within the shredded beef. The slightly sour taste is most notable and comes from a liquid secreted by the ants when they're threatened, or so I'm told. I guess nothing is quite as threatening as being cooked alive. The beef can be a little chewy, like all beef in Vietnam -- many families use little hammers to pound some tenderness into the beef.  I won't use meat tenderizer, so I like this method if the beef is extremely tough. This food is called KrongPa Gia Lai beef and it's great with beer. But beer seems to work with all food; Phuong and I try anything with our nightly beer; chocolate is a favorite. KrongPa Gia Lai's ingredients are beef, red ants, salt and red chili peppers. One of our daycare moms, An, gave us a sample and now we're hooked. But I consider this more of an occasional treat than a nightly "go-to" snack. For the day-in, day-out eating with beer, I prefer a dried, shredded chicken, lemon and chili pepper mix called kho ga la chanh. The folks at the Craft Beer bar around the corner gave me some when I bought some Estrella Damm beer. Daycare mom An sells us bulk portions of the shredded chicken. Everybody sells stuff on the side in Vietnam, my wife included. I guess I sell English on the side. Anyway, the chicken mix is very spicy and the red peppers are visible and super hot. Joanna calls the snack "Cay Cay" (spicy hot spicy hot) and she'll eat the dried, shredded chicken but avoid the chili peppers. Ice water is kept nearby. This dish keeps the plumbing flowing.

* * *

Including Joanna, we now care for eight children daily at our house, and a ninth is coming soon. In addition to speaking English to the kids (this is the only language I can speak, by the way), I try to get the kids to sample some U.S. food, or at least food from my youth. Buttered toast with sugar and cinnamon is a favorite with the kids. Apples with peanut butter is starting to catch on. Scrambled eggs with cheese is becoming popular. Peanut butter and jelly has flopped. In fact, most of the kids don't like sandwich bread. We'll have cheese, which they enjoy but their parents don't eat, and I make milkshakes, which are now requested by the kids. Phuong and I share cooking duties, but I've slacked off the past week after a relapse of the flu. I don't know if it's genetics or conditioning, but kids and everyone else in this country love hot soup, noodles and rice for breakfast (lunch and dinner, also). When it's 86 degrees Fahrenheit at 7:30 a.m., I can't eat hot soup. I'll have soup once in a while here, but I don't enjoy it because of the heat. I don't care much for the very popular hot pot dishes either, mostly because of the weather but also because of their generic taste.

* * *

No word yet on Phuong's interview, although the government has informed us they've created a "case" for Phuong. They're processing the $475 application fee and after that happens our lawyer will send in some paperwork and hopefully we'll get a date for the interview.

* * *

Rainy season is here, although it seems a bit early to me. Locals don't seem to care when the rains come. They just seem to be real concerned about being out in the rain. Maybe they know the score: I'll walk in the rain if I have to, and I've been very ill twice in the past three weeks. I think it's the daycare kids bringing in viruses and me not getting enough sleep that are the real contributors to my poor health. But locals say, "You don't understand. It's the rain."  It's difficult to argue when you can't breathe through your nose, your chest hurts, and you're sitting on the throne  much of the day. 

Flu, heat deliver a beatdown; AC finally fixed

I had big plans for Phuong's 41st birthday last weekend. I bought a cake, Belgian chocolates and planned a fancy dinner. Then I got socked with the flu, and this is truly a special case that I picked up from our daycare group. My chest was so congested that breathing was difficult, my nose did the usual running, and my throat got so sore I couldn't talk in the mornings or evenings. Some people applauded this, but it didn't stop me from writing. I also had a fever that had me sweating buckets in the god-awful heat here. I waited for, and actually wanted, the chills, but they never came. Finally, I hope, the bug, or virus, or whatever, got into my digestive track and wreaked havoc. My bloated belly doubled in size -- if you can imagine that -- and was so tight that I had to wear super stretchy gym shorts only. There was real pain in my stomach, acid reflux for one night that prevented me from sleeping, and remarkable gas. Gas, gas, gas. Joanna and Phuong have laughed at me constantly because I've spent the last 36 hours blowing off steam, so to speak, and there's the fear of escapees (so far not a problem). Thank goodness we're in the midst of a Vietnamese holiday -- independence day, I think -- so I haven't had to work daycare. We start back up Thursday. After eight days of feeling like hell, I'm finally returning to some semblance of normal. I'm not there yet, but I'm improving.  My barrel belly is slowly shrinking to a pot belly, my gas flow has slowed to where I'm no longer a candidate for fracking, and my congestion has improved to where I don't breathe like a beached haddock. I haven't been this sick since I ate bad ceviche in Peru seven years ago, and that disaster only lasted five days. I'm not ready for a beer yet, but when I am, let's drink to our health. I've apologized to Phuong for making a mess out of her birthday, but she's a good sport. Good husband that I am, I played tennis with Phuong despite the flu and lost three of four sets along with my No. 1 family ranking. I know my wife really enjoys and looks forward to our tennis, so I do everything I can to stay on the court, regardless of flu or foot.

* * *

 Thu

100°

81°

Fri

101°

82°

Sat

99°

82°

Sun

96°

81°

Mon

97°

82°

Tue

96°

82°

Wed

97°

82°

It's not listed, but I checked and saw that the humidity is in the 60's and 70's daily. The temperatures seem a little warmer because we're in a city with lots and lots of motorbikes, cars and trucks. And it's rarely as cloudy or rainy as the little icons indicate. Regardless, the difficult part of this for my family is that both of our bedroom air conditioners weren't working real well last week. They dripped water like crazy and I checked what I could check with no luck. Repairmen were very busy and couldn't make it to our house for a while. You don't understand. Phuong doesn't love the weather, but she's certainly more adapted to it than I am. Like her dad, Joanna doesn't enjoy the heat. The coffee shops have become an oasis for me, but I'm not the only one in need. They can be crowded and noisy and I've never really enjoyed crowds and noise. I remember stretches of hot and humid weather like this in Delaware, where I grew up. But even in the worst of times the nighttime lows always got into the 70s. Ah, the repairmen finally arrived and we're cool again. Cost us less than $10 to unclog the lines from our two bedroom air conditioners.

* * *

We're waiting -- on pins and needles -- to hear from the embassy and my lawyer about Phuong's interview for a spousal visa. I won't lie. My health is taking a beating here and I'd be in worse shape if I didn't chi and play tennis. Joanna is thriving, but I think she'll blossom even more in the U.S., especially when it's time for her to start school. We need to move for my health and mental well-being, for Joanna's future, and for my wife, who must be allowed to join her husband and daughter in the U.S. Seems reasonable to me.

A cool life despite Vietnamese heat; visa talk

We're in the middle of a relentless heat wave here where I sweat even in air-conditioned rooms. Really. Then again, I've been in the middle of a relentless heat wave here for the past six years. No shock since I live in the tropics, where paper cuts take a month to heal and skin rashes are displayed like tattoos. Our refrigerator struggles to keep leftovers and milk cold. Our freezer needs five hours in the day to make ice; it works better at night. We don't have air conditioning in our kitchen (too expensive and the house is too big) so lunch and dinner are served in 86 to 88-degree coziness. It's 99, sunny, and humid daily with no real significant cool-down at night. I take a minimum of three showers a day. March and April have traditionally been nasty hot months here. Things may cool down to 95 or so in May or June with the approach of the rainy season, but hot is hot, folks.  And the humidity is a constant. We're at 10.95 degrees latitude here so the swelter is to be expected. In other words, I only have myself to blame. However, we have a wonderful life and routine going even with the heat, motorbikes and cutting in line. Phuong's daycare business is crazy busy, relentless and wildly entertaining. Phuong is a natural with kids and with the parents. She's a -- oh God, dare I say it --- people person. Her confidence and calm demeanor seem to assure her success in whatever she pursues. (Except tennis, ha ha.) Joanna is the joy of our life. She makes jokes, speaks two languages, and confronts us at every turn. I love her temper and moxie. Also, I enjoy my English students and classes. Teaching students who want to learn -- or at least don't scowl at me for an hour -- is a real joy. I've become a prolific reader, sitting in coffee shops at least an hour a day with Jack Vance books. Now I'm reading "Little Women". Tennis with Phuong is great fun. In addition, the new Craft Beer bar around the corner serves a wonderful pale ale and tasty mango beer on tap, and also sells Westmalle Tripel and Estrella Damm in bottles. And Joanna can sit at the bar and eat snacks with us served by a cute barmaid. So, the heat and other unsavory obstacles be damned. We're doing our best to make the best of a situation that isn't optimal, but at least it has some potential. Even injuries from motorbike accidents and tennis have forced me to focus on tai chi and fitness, so it's possible to live well in a challenging environment. If not for Phuong and Joanna, I'd probably be walking the earth barefoot carrying a little pouch ... like Kwai Chang Caine.

* * * 

We're still in the process of getting Phuong an interview at the U.S. Embassy to obtain a spousal visa to enter the U.S. Like I've said, Phuong and I could live anywhere, but our goal is to get Joanna to the U.S. where I  believe she'll have excellent educational and social opportunities. Like her dad, she's an American citizen. Phuong's visa status is the main stumbling block, which is why we have a lawyer. We're hopeful but certainly not in a panic mode. I expect my country will do the right thing and allow my wife to enter the U.S. with her American daughter and American husband. If not, I would like to teach in Peru again, or buy a $1 house in Italy that I read about on the CNN website.

* * *

I saw online where a young man in Yellow Springs, Ohio, was apparently the victim of a homicide. His body was found in Glen Helen. I have a house in Yellow Springs, and this is where me, my wife and daughter will probably live if Phuong gets a visa. My condolences to the young man's friends and family, and to the friends and family of all other serious crime victims in Yellow Springs. It's a small, somewhat close-knit and fairly comfortable community, so it's difficult to imagine things like this happening there.

Vietnamese parenting techniques; visa interview imminent

Our daycare business, which now has eight children including our daughter Joanna, allows me to observe the different parenting techniques of Vietnamese moms and dads. Love is love, no matter where you live, but I've seen some styles of parenting that seem to me to be more prevalent in Vietnam than in the United States.  There's no good or bad where love is concerned, but here are my observations.
-- Overall, breastfeeding continues for a longer period of time for children in Vietnam than in the U.S. Again, this is my observation from personal experience. Our group has seven moms with eight children -- all of the moms, except Phuong, breastfeed. The breastfed children range in age from 19 months to 39 months. Actually,  all but two of the children are over two years old. Joanna stopped at five months for a variety of reasons. What I've read indicates that moms can breastfeed their children as long as they want and as long as mom and baby enjoy the experience. I'm in total agreement with that.
-- There seems to be more holding and lap-sitting here, and a little less toy time. This is completely understandable since the moms are working and cherish the time they have with their children. But groups of four or five moms will sit around holding their children almost the entire time. It's sweet, and Phuong does this with Joanna, but I since I was a hyper little chimp, it's foreign to me, so to speak.
-- Of course I'm not in the kids' homes at night, but I suspect reading isn't quite the bedtime ritual in Vietnam that it is in the U.S. ... well,  at least I hope it's a ritual in the U.S.  Phuong reads sparingly to Joanna -- that's my job -- and all but one or two of our children's books are in English. There might not be a wide range or volume of children's book in Vietnam.  I don't see many cardboard books here, which are essential for the little ones.
-- Almost all the kids hit. They take a swing at adults, other kids and even toys that don't cooperate. Not sure why this is. One thing I notice is that moms are extremely tolerant of wild behavior, things like random screaming, interrupting, throwing toys. At our daycare, if the child's behavior is physically aggressive, we'll give them a timeout in a chair for a few minutes. Children usually don't like to be separated from the group. We try to redirect if we can to avoid any serious issues. So far, so good.
-- Moms here love to feed their kids rather than insisting kids try to feed themselves. I've noted this before, and it never ceases to amaze and annoy me when I see a mom squatting and feeding a 4-year-old. I don't know why it bothers me so much -- maybe because I can't squat down flat-footed like everyone else here to feed a kid. I just make Joanna and the other children do it themselves, and they all seem happy to cooperate and try. Hey, if you're hungry ...
Bottom line: Watching little kids learn and interact with parents and other children is not only downright fascinating, it's instructional as well. I never thought I'd say this, but I really enjoy it, and I can thank my wife Phuong for that.

* * *

-- A virus is working its way around the kids and adults in our group. Headaches and sore throats abound. Joanna is fighting a really runny nose and sore throat, and she's very cranky.  Phuong is starting to get sick as well. I've been lucky so far, which probably means I'll get sick this week.
-- I'm weighing a job offer from a language center in Barcelona, Spain, but research tells me the city is crowded and expensive. I'm still researching but can't access much information on the school.
-- After dominating my wife in tennis early in my comeback, Phuong has shaken off the rust and beaten me in two of our last three fun-filled and exciting matches. My foot is holding up, in part due to my new K-Swiss plantar fascia-friendly tennis shoes, and we're having a blast.
-- The U.S. government accepted our petition for a spousal visa for Phuong. That means she should have an interview at the U.S. Embassy in Ho Chi Minh City in the near future -- a month or two -- to determine if and when she can come to the U.S. with her American husband and American daughter. I don't want to say much so I don't jinx us. Our motives are not sinister; they're pure: we want the best schools and opportunities for our American daughter Joanna, and there is no way in hell I could separate Joanna from her loving mom. We'll only come to the U.S. as a family.