Airports, airplanes, family and friends

On a hectic trip to the United States, I flew out of 12 different airports in 18 days and drove about 800 miles in two rental cars. The two rental cars cost me as much as the 11 flights. After all the travel I've done in my life, you would think I'd have a better grip on the money needed to rent a car.You'd be wrong. Same thing happens to me when I buy glasses, which I've been doing my entire life. I let wishful thinking and low-ball estimates take precedence over reality. But as I like to say in Vietnam, tien den, tien di (money comes, money goes). Sometimes I'll jokingly say: Phuong den, tien di. That's not really true, although it always gets a laugh from Phuong's dad. I saw my son Jack, my brother Charles for the first time in about 16 years, my new granddaughter; a bunch of friends and family, and lots of the United States. I got told on several occasions how fat I've gotten, and how much I've aged. Can't argue with either point, but I don't give a crap.
Most of the airports I went to and the airlines I flew were fairly well run and organized. JFK required persistence on my part to find out where the hell I was going since there were no information kiosks or friendly faces at the JetBlue terminal. And the trains taking travelers like me to different terminals on their changeovers were out of order. So I scrambled and found a bus from terminal 5 to terminal 1 and arrived at my departure gate with 30 minutes to spare. The stewardesses on my 16-hour, 40-minute Eva Airlines flight from New York to Taipei were grumpy and snippy, but otherwise my time in the air was OK. (One Eva stewardess twice barked at me to buckle my seatbelt and bring my seat forward. Oddly, my seatbelt was buckled and my seat was forward, but I just said OK and she moved on.) I watched a bunch of movies -- Moonlight (excellent); Lion (pretty good film about an Indian youth); 42 (Jackie Robinson biopic); and Draft Day (entertaining film about Cleveland Browns GM played by Kevin Costner). Read a few books as well. In all, I spent 22 hours in the air coming home. The planes encountered strong headwinds the entire way.
As I noted, my time in the U.S. was fine and dandy. I lost some tennis matches but didn't get injured, ate great food thanks to my ex-wife Lynda, my kind and generous friends Andy and Jane V., and my brother Tom and his wife Shaila. I saw buddies John, Ron and Tommy, and most important, met my first grandchild Frances. She's a beautiful girl just like her mom, and mom and baby are doing great.
Thanks to Lynda and Charlie for getting me a hotel room, to John, Ron, and Andy and Jane for giving me a  place to sleep, and to Vic for recommending a good beer.
Phuong and Joanna met me at the airport, and Joanna smiled and laughed the entire ride home. She didn't say a word about my weight or age either, but seemed genuinely thrilled I was home. I'm thrilled as well. It's nice to be back.

Great trip and Portland is hip

The flight from Ho Chi Minh City to Portland, Ore., was smooth and uneventful. I passed through immigration and customs in Los Angeles in 10 minutes with no hassles whatsoever.  I enjoyed two pretty good movies on the Tokyo to L.A. flight -- La La Land and Arrival -- and chatted with a couple of friendly seat- mates. All went very well. The food was OK. It was better on Japan Airlines than on United, but I didn't get sick from either serving. Really, I had a nice trip here, and enjoyed meeting a gentleman named Kosuke, who gave me a low-tech pen that erases mistakes.  And he knew more about the NBA than I could ever hope to know. Fun guy and hope we can stay in touch. I need to find someone I can beat in tennis.
Didn't think to set up a meeting place with my son Jack in Portland since my phone doesn't work in the U.S., but we bumbled into each other near the arrival gate at the airport. Great to see him. He lives a block from the Willamette River in a very convenient apartment. Good for him.
Portland is a wonderful city -- clean, active,and full of hipsters and spandex. It does rain a bit here, which explains all the greenery -- there were three or four unexpected showers in my two days here. It can go from sunny and clear to raining in a matter of minutes. I've heard the rain referred to as liquid sunshine. The weather was a welcome 50 degrees -- cool but refreshing for someone coming from temperatures in the mid 90s. But I've almost gotten used to the heat in Vietnam, so I guess I could probably get used to the rain if I had to live Portland. Downtown Portland shuts down early. Even the Starbucks closes at 5 p.m. There's countless "craft beers" here from the countless Oregon breweries. My friend John was ahead of his time concerning beer -- he was into real quality beers before it was cool to be into real quality beers. Now, everyone is into craft beer. The marijuana shops -- pot is legal here -- were open until 10 p.m.
 I'm flying to San Luis Obispo in California tomorrow to see my older brother, who I haven't seen in more than 15 years. Family relationships are much different in the United States than in Vietnam (and Peru, for that matter). I appreciate Vietnam's commitment to the family more and more as I continue to live there and grow older. In Vietnam, family defends family, regardless. It's a refreshing change from the individuality that rules in the U.S. I'm not making a judgment, just an observation.
I miss, miss, miss, my family in Vietnam. Being away from Joanna and Phuong is horrible. Nobody, anywhere in the world, smiles like my wife Phuong, who has a cheerfulness and warmth that's absolutely infectious. And Joanna has a cuteness and persistence that's unmatched by any baby anywhere -- in her dad's not-so-humble opinion. We talk by Skype but that only makes me miss them more. I sang "If You're Happy ... " to Joanna over Skype and she did the little "bouncy-bounce" dance she does when Phuong or I hold her as I sing to her at home. She smiles when she hears my voice, but no doubt is a little confused. April 9 is her 9-month birthday. Happy birthday Joanna!!! She's close to walking, but I'm confident she'll wait until I come back before taking her first steps! She has to wait because I have a bet with Phuong and I can't stand it when Phuong wins our bets, which happens ALL THE TIME.
Drinking Vietnamese Con Chon coffee as I write this. There's nothing like a taste of home. Love you so much Phuong and Joanna!!!

Coffee, beer, apples and peanut butter

Phuong arranged a Con Chon coffee tasting at our house Friday morning. Two guys from the company showed up in a small truck -- they were also making deliveries in Bien Hoa -- and brought us four bags of coffee to sample. There was #0, #1, #2, #3. We made four cups -- #0 is unblended coffee with no additives of any kind. Good but lacking that artificial flavor :);  #1 tastes mild but seems loaded with caffeine; #2 has a distinct aftertaste that I love; #3 tasted sweet, almost like sugar was added. When the coffees were too hot, the flavors seemed to get lost. The same thing can happen sometimes when really good beers are super cold. I put milk in all of my coffees, because I'm a wimp and that's the way I like it. The two guys who brought the coffee didn't cringe when I added milk. They were very cool and apologized for not being able to speak English so we could discuss coffee more. I can't get a definitive answer on the animal that poops out the beans. It's a civet, weasel, ferret, squirrel or some such animal. Might be any one of these critters, or all of them. I'll let the experts debate while I enjoy a cup of coffee. We bought some bags since I got paid that day, and I no longer drink coffee on my walk. I drink a lemon-salt-sugar-water-ice thingy that's quite refreshing.
The super spectacular Vincom complex at the corner of Vo Thi Sau and Pham Van Thuan streets now sells St. Sebastiaan ale from Belgium, along with Chimay red and blue. Metro sells the Affligem blonde and sometimes it has the double. Phuong and I have been sharing a beer each night after spending a day running around with Joanna, who's relentless and crawls at breakneck speed to get to all the stuff she shouldn't have. We need the Con Chon #1 to keep up with her.
 It's been really hot lately, about 95 daily, but we're starting to get rain, which cools things off a little. Blocked drains create some street flooding, but I slosh along on the bike wearing plastic bags on my feet and legs so I don't teach with wet shoes, socks, feet, and pant legs. I'm not comfortable riding a motorbike in sandals or flip-flops.
I did my annual apple and peanut butter lesson for my students When I first mention combining apples and peanut butter, the students make faces like I'm asking them to eat something really nasty. But I suggest that the students put a tiny bit of peanut butter on the apple and sample. If they really don't like the combo, spit it in the napkin I provide. I did this with four classes, and only two students didn't care for the mix. The others really seemed to enjoy it -- more than 20 apples and three jars of crunchy peanut butter were consumed, with many students requesting more. Good times.

Coffee from poop; cleaned up sidewalks; more poop

Phuong's mom gave us the world's greatest coffee. It's called Con Chon, which very roughly translated means animal chon. From my rapid research, the chon is an Asian palm civet or weasel-like critter. It eats coffee beans, apparently selecting only the best, richest and ripest beans for unknown reasons. The chon poops out the beans pretty much in their entirety. The beans are only partially digested. The poop is cleaned off the beans (hopefully), and then you have the best and most expensive coffee in the world. Quite honestly, it's the shit.
The coffee comes from Da Lat, where the world's best yogurt is made as well. If Phuong is unable to obtain a visa to enter the U.S., we'll look at possibly relocating to Da Lat. The weather is cooler, the coffee is good, and it's smaller and less crowded than Bien Hoa. But we're concerned about schools for Joanna, which is why we're pushing so hard to get Phuong to the U.S. We've put our hopes in the hands of a very capable attorney, so we're optimistic. The process will be long and slow, however.
 Police and local officials cracked down on sidewalk encroachment for a few days, meaning all the folks who sell food, clothes, utensils and other miscellaneous stuff on the sidewalks disappeared for a couple of days. For those two days, I could walk on the sidewalk without having to step around vendors or dodge motorbikes or fear for my health and safety. It was wonderful, even though temporary.
The walk remains great entertainment for me. I've settled on Lido by the river as my coffee shop of choice. That means no young females flirting with my money when I buy and drink my coffee. And Lido understands me when I say Cafe Sua Nong. The Hu Tieu girls moved to bigger digs near Chinh, the girl with the funny hat who sells me fruit. The woman down the street who sells fruit and used to scowl at me is now my friend after I complimented her new hair style. And an exotic fruit shop opened where I've made friends with the owner and her mom because I buy expensive currants and blueberries there. People keep pointing at my belly and rubbing it when I walk or teach, but I try to explain that I've been doing lots of tai chi lately and what they're rubbing isn't belly fat, but my ever- expanding chi reservoir. My friend Richard will understand.
Poop becomes a topic of critical importance when you have a baby, or a cup of wonderful coffee. No gory details are needed, but parents worry a lot when the plumbing stops working for a day or two. Joanna's life is based on routine, thanks to Phuong, and No. 2 in the late morning is part of that routine.  Exercises with dad when she wakes up are also part of Joanna's routine. So when Joanna missed her delivery of No. 2 for a couple of days, it was cause of great concern. We responded with blended peaches and pears and Joanna responded with a beautiful poop.  No photo needed. The same concern exists for older folks as well, as I realized all too well when I helped take care of my dad before he died, and had my gall bladder removed five months ago, But this is a subject for a blog way down the road, I hope.
I was doing a conversation exercise in class in which one student has to pick the correct question word and the next student had to answer the question. The first student correctly picked "Where" for Where do elephants live? The next student answered: In a zoo. Good stuff.
I've gone more than a year now without a cigarette.  No desire to smoke, unless it's a Hamilton from Peru.

Ghosts; sheep placenta; neighbors; what bit me?

I've been in Vietnam for a little more than four years, and I keep learning more about the cuisine and culture all the time. I now know that fish oil sucks, the family is tops, and strangers here can be extremely friendly and helpful no matter how rude they are on their motorbikes. But, of course, there's more. For example:
I had a class the other night of high school kids and young adults, and the lesson in the book was about exotic vacations -- stuff like walking the Inca Trail; taking a submarine to the wreck of the Titanic, searching for Yeti in the Himalayas; and paragliding in Madagascar, or some such place.  Only three of the 12 students in this class have a passport -- and they use that to go to Singapore -- and maybe one or two could find Madagascar on a map. In other words, the lesson was a struggle. But the class came to life, so to speak, when the topic of ghosts came up. One of the vacations involved spending the night in a castle that is reputed to be haunted, So I asked the class: Who believes in ghosts? Of the 12 students, 13 raised their hands (just kidding, but all 12 raised). They're believers. I'm not, but I did tell a weird and true story about a creepy hand I saw (or thought I saw) crawl out from under a bed in my house the day my grandpa died. I was six years old, so who knows? The class was fixated on the story (I am quite the story-teller, or BS-er, if you prefer). One student said he saw a ghost near Hanoi. These stories energized our class and the last hour together was productive and fun. I told this story to my wife, and she sort of admitted that she believes ghosts exist. Phuong asked me: "If you saw one, you'd believe in them, wouldn't you?" That question is a good sample of an argument/discussion with someone here. If I saw a unicorn, I'm pretty sure I'd believe in unicorns, too. Phuong's mother is also a believer -- in ghosts, not unicorns. Phuong and her mom talk about a haunted house down the street, a haunted tree from Phuong's youth, and spirits and ghosts at the Buddhist temple near our house. I'm not sure why ghosts are popular here, but maybe it has something to do with Buddhism and reincarnation. I have no idea and don't know what I am talking about. However, I never knew how much credence the spirit world had here until this class. Kind of scary, isn't it?
Some loose ends:
-- I've mentioned that businesses, including pharmacies, close here from 11:30 a.m. to about 2:30 p.m. daily. There's a giant pharmacy that opened on Vo Thi Sau, where I walk every day. Of course it closes, and it doesn't carry anything I want, like vitamin E cream and cordyseps vitamins (which cut down on my dizzy spells). However, they have every skin whitener known to mankind and, of course, they sell sheep placenta.
-- On my way home from my walk, something bit the hell out of my neck in the park. This wasn't a garden-variety bug bite. This bite hurt like my motorbike rib injuries, and I threw the apples and strawberries I was carrying all over the place because of the pain and shock of the bite. Four days later, I still have redness and swelling on my neck. Maybe a ghost bit me. Or unicorn.
-- I found a tree-filled coffee shop on the Dong Nai River that was almost nice, but the prices were too high, the service was slow, and there were red ants everywhere. I'm still looking for the perfect coffee shop where there are no red ants, the staff understands Cafe Sua Nong and the other customers leave me alone. Lido comes the closest.
-- Joanna is doing great, standing a lot and complaining a good deal, like her dad. She has a big appetite, like her dad, and is always wonderful to be with, like her mom.
-- My haircut is still ugly.
-- Our neighbor across the street has a giant pile of wood in front of his house. It has something to do with his business.  At night, you'll see 10 to 15 rats scurrying in and out of the wood pile. Our next door neighbors have a 6-year-old boy who stays up until 11 p.m. playing, screaming, crying and kicking the walls. Phuong told the parents about the late noise waking Joanna up at night, and the parents responded: "Our son is so tired and grumpy in the morning, maybe because he stays up so late." If you saw a ghost, you'd believe in ghosts, too.

Joanna stands; anniversary; rudeness takes the cake

It was an eventful week for the teacher formerly known as the White Monkey (my wife and a daughter in the U.S. want that nickname retired).
First, my daughter Joanna stood on her own for a full three seconds the day before she turned eight months old. I happened to see her left hand floating in the air, so I checked to see what her right hand was holding on to -- the crib or the wall?  Neither. Both hands were floating in air, kind of like she was surfing. I was too shocked to think about a photo, and Phuong wasn't there. I've seen Joanna stand on her own -- intentionally -- twice since then, but I'm not thinking photo. I'm more concerned she doesn't crash to earth, but so far she sort of gracefully plops to her butt for a soft landing.
Joanna got another vaccination in her thigh last week and cried for two seconds and got over it. But she had a low-grade fever for a few days, and was pretty grumpy. Contributing to her grumpiness were two new bottom teeth that broke through. She now has eight teeth showing. Poor kid.
Phuong and I celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary on March 10. I bought her organic currants (ridiculously expensive), dried blueberries (even more expensive), scented fake flowers and some real flowers (silly expensive) and a gold chain and crucifix (almost cheaper than the other stuff). I also assembled a small family photo collage. We've packed a lot of life into the past year -- a couple of motorbike wrecks by the teacher formerly known as the White Monkey; a baby; teaching ups and downs; furnishing a new house; battling immigration issues in our bid to get Phuong to the U.S.; and I haven't had a cigarette since March 23, 2016. Through it all, I'm happy as hell but still just as bad-tempered as ever. Joanna has a little bit of a temper also, but overall, we're a very, very, very happy family. Damn it.
Speaking of damn it, I tried to buy a cake for our anniversary at a bakery called Hanh Phuc (I have a new name for it that sounds so similar it's almost vulgar). Some twit of a girl who was smaller than -- and not as smart as -- the cake I was buying, got in my face because I didn't give her the 444,000 dong ($20 USD) for the cake fast enough. I had something in my eye after I gave her 200,000, so I held my hand up and motioned for her to wait a second. I also pointed to my red, tearing eye. This mechanical moron didn't flinch and barked (there is no other word for it) "440 thousand"!!! in an unsavory tone. I stayed calm -- for me -- and, while tending to my burning right eye, I told the smiling simpleton that she was being rude. She laughed at me (or maybe it was just a big smile). So I simply snatched the money out her hands, said that it's easy to be rude, and left the bakery cake-less and rubbing my damn eye. Of course, I wasn't trying to short-change the bakery, I didn't even have the cake yet because they were getting it ready for me. Also, I shop there quite often, which means I spend a lot of money there because it isn't cheap. Make that, used to shop there and used to spend a lot of money there. But this sort of thing happens way too often here to the teacher formerly known as the White Monkey. Folks in Bien Hoa don't get the basic courtesies. I've lived here for more than four years and I've never heard the words "please" (lam on) or "excuse me" (toi xin loi).
But enough sour stuff. I forgot for a moment how happy I am.
 The class I stopped teaching got a young British teacher in my place, like I suggested in my last blog. I saw three girls from the class clapping and giggling with excitement when they saw the young Brit heading toward their room. Maybe they'll be on time now.

Baptism; faxing; family love; disrespect

Joanna was baptized on Sunday morning at Bien Hoa Church, which absolutely thrilled Phuong and her family. And my friend Joy was Joanna's godmother at the long service in the hot church. Joy and Joanna are quickly becoming fast friends, which I knew would happen. Joy's very personable and Joanna is the world's cutest and most likeable baby, in my very humble opinion. When the parents and babies were called to the front of the church for the baptism service, only women and babies went up. I was the only dad holding a baby. I felt good about that, until the heat got to me, and I waved Phuong to join me so she could hold Joanna and give me a break. We share everything. The priest was pleasant and Joanna never really cried during the service, although she complained a little because she's teething. Joanna has six teeth now -- four on top and two on bottom. Anyway, after the baptism our whole clan went to Lido for a wonderful breakfast/brunch of meat, soup, salad, ice cream, and coffee.
Joanna, being the baby that she is, smacked the keyboard on my new computer and Phuong had to work on it for a couple of hours to get it working again. Thank you, Phuong, who remains the most patient and understanding and beautiful woman in the world. And you can add persistent to her list of qualities. I needed three documents faxed to the United States, and Phuong used a second-hand fax machine over three days to get the documents to where I wanted in Cincinnati, Ohio. Those documents meant steady income for me, so they were extremely important. Phuong is so %$#@& wonderful, determined, and every other positive adjective you can think of. It's kind of funny, but I tried a few businesses and  banks to see if they could fax the three pages for me. Of course, they couldn't. At one hotel, the girl was almost helpful but couldn't fax after 5 p.m., when I wanted to send the documents. A girl at one local business told me that faxing is relatively new in Vietnam, and her company didn't have it. (Not true, but who cares?) The fax was invented in 1843, and fax machines were everywhere by 1970. Some companies don't use fax machines and instead scan documents and then send them over the internet. Since my documents ultimately involve money and monthly income, this process is not acceptable. No worries. Phuong dealt with it.
Hard to believe, but I've adapted somewhat to the heat here. It's helped that the weather is ever so slightly cooler here this February and March, so I sweat less -- three quarts instead of a gallon each day -- and I'm less grumpy because of the heat.
I begged off a class here, which I rarely, rarely, almost never do. But these students took disrespect to a new level, coming into class 15 to 20 minutes late because they were sitting around drinking coffee and tea and speaking in Vietnamese at the school's little concession area downstairs. In other words, they're in the building, but they choose not to come to class for whatever reason, and when they finally show up, they enter the room talking loudly with their buddies while I try to teach. I guess I'm invisible. The only time they're quiet is when they're texting on their cell phones, which is about 75-80 percent of the time they're in class. What's funny is that I really like these guys because they can be fun and very intelligent, but learning English with Teacher John doesn't seem to be a priority when they come to school. These guys are 17 to 22 years old, so they'll probably be happier with a younger teacher who has a British accent.  More games, teacher. Actually, I really like all my classes and students, and I'm coming out of my mini-teaching slump, which I seem to go through every four months or so. Having a new computer with my own cables and adapters (THANK YOU! Phuong) really helps.  And I was fighting some bouts of dizziness for a week or so -- the result of my first big motorcycle accident here more than three years ago. But that's under control now and all is well, especially my fantastic kids and teen classes.
Finally, I want to pay homage, respect (credit to Masta Ace) to Vietnamese ants. Amazing creatures. Fast, light, nimble, ubiquitous. Now, other than canned goods and sealed jars, any food we buy goes in the fridge or freezer, including unopened boxes of cereal and cookies, jars of honey, bread and all fruit. Homage, respect..
And one more thing: I love you Phuong, Joanna and my four children in the U.S. so much. Thanks for everything.