I finished my daily walk on Sunday in the usual fashion. I stopped at the park near our house to do some tai chi in an ongoing effort to relieve the pain in my back and ankle from my recent motorbike wrecks. Sometimes, there will be photo shoots in the park of couples who are going to get married. One couple even wanted a picture with me in it, so we all stood in front of a tree and the photographer snapped away. It was quaint. On Sunday, a guy was taking pictures of a girl while another girl with them stood off to the side taking selfies. That girl took selfies for more than 20 minutes -- the time it takes me to do yang style long form. Amazing. How many selfies can you take in 22 minutes?
The reactions I get on the walk are always interesting. Hostile stares, plain old boring stares, blank stares, some smiles, an occasional thumbs-up. I see the same folks every day -- and I've seen them daily for more than two months. I'm always amazed at folks who show no recognition or acknowledgement of someone they see every day over an extended period of time. People are like this in the U.S. My town, Yellow Springs, Ohio, can be either very friendly or very snobby. And I'm one of those morons who always says Hi! and smiles when I pass by someone. I get snubbed quite a bit, so I don't do it as much as I used to. But the more I walk here, the more people acknowledge me. I don't think they're snobs here, just a little confused and disoriented by the sight of a White Monkey in Bien Hoa. And people here seem a little shy. This is especially true with students who lack confidence in their English. They won't even make a guess if it requires speaking.
Many of the people I pass are working at little stands selling sandwiches, pork, chicken, duck, bread, fruit, and vegetables. The heat always makes me wary when I buy at the market or on the street, and I give whatever I want a thorough inspection before money changes hands. The people I buy from always say hello or nod when I walk by. The others just stare.
I went into a gift shop to buy a small present for Phuong -- just because. I picked out some plastic flowers in a fancy cup that said I Love You on it. A sticker on the cup said 60,000 dong (about $3). I went to buy and the little girl working at the store pulled the flowers out of the cup, and the flowers had a sticker on them that said 50,000. So I said 110,000 dong in my very mediocre Vietnamese and smiled while pulling out my money. I'm not sure why, but the girl got agitated, gave me the hand wave in my face that really pisses me off (I don't accept that element of the culture), and said "NO, NO, NO." Then she said 110,000 in pretty much the same way I said it. I repeated what she said, and she responded with more NO's. I put the flowers and little cup down and walked out without buying, the money still in my hand. But I've noticed that people here don't care if you buy or not. I guess they don't need the money, or it's more important to humiliate the White Monkey than to take his money. I'm not a particularly difficult customer, but there about 12 businesses and restaurants I won't do business with here. Just like Peru or the U.S., it's usually the younger kids that have the attitude, but a lot of adults don't mind being ass clowns either.
Sorry, Phuong, but no plastic flowers for you today. But Phuong has other things on her mind. Her stomach looks like a basketball. Really. It's round, brown, and beautiful. The heat isn't making her pregnancy any easier, but she's tough and completely focused on doing what's good and right for our baby. It's just another reason why I love this woman so much. The doctor doesn't think the baby will wait until its due date of July 4. He believes mid- to late June is more likely. We don't care when, or if we have a boy or girl. We want a healthy, normal baby, like any other expecting parents.
I'm approaching 20,000 views for this blog. For the numbers geeks out there, here's the top viewing countries with number of hits on the blog: United States 7,972; Vietnam 5,462; Peru 1,264; Russia 841; Germany 484; Australia 467; France 286; United Kingdom 218; China 173; Ukraine 140.
I'm half Ukrainian, so I was happy to see the Ukraine make the top 10.
I've said it before, but I'm proud people read my blog. I try to put some thought into it and I care. I'm a concerned ass clown.
Speaking of ass clown, the White Monkey is back on the motorbike.
Really, I have no choice if I want to go anywhere outside of walking
distance from my house, like a grocery store. Phuong and her family
worry whenever I leave on the bike. I worry, too, but screw it, I've got
to do what I've got to do. And Phuong lets me use her bike, a Honda
Air Blade, which is bigger and much nicer than the bike I destroyed, a Honda Wave. The Air Blade has an automatic clutch and shuts off automatically when the kickstand is dropped down. Let's ride.
I celebrated two months of not smoking cigarettes by not smoking another day. Phuong has the White Monkey trained quite well.
Saturday, May 21, 2016
Friday, May 13, 2016
Another wreck; motorbike for sale
Call me a taxi.
OK, White Monkey, you're a taxi.
Sorry for the lousy humor but my motorbike is for sale, with the profits going to a good cause: my father-in-law who has been going to the pharmacy for me daily to buy painkiller.
Yes, I had my second motorbike accident in six weeks, another rib-crushing, hip-smashing, elbow-burning spectacular on Vo Thi Sau, one of the main streets in Bien Hoa. The accident occurred at about 7:20 p.m. as I was scurrying between classes on my job. I was riding from one site to another to teach when a woman pushed her bicycle loaded down with candy into my path as I went around a couple of cars. I hit the bike and flew over the handlebars onto my back in the street. I was told the woman lay down on the street during the accident. (Actually, after I finished my first class I was in a hurry and forgot to put on my helmet as I started up Vo Thi Sau on my bike. I realized my mistake, pulled over, put on the helmet, and crashed about 45 seconds later.) Back to the accident: I lay on the road screaming the f-word (sorry, students) because of the pain. Loads of locals came out from nearby restaurants to help me and see the carnage. They tried to pull me to my feet right away, which I refused. I needed to catch my breath, deal with the pain and continue screaming the f-word. I eventually got to the sidewalk and thought I had killed the woman with the bicycle. Three men were carrying her to a cab, presumably to take her lifeless body to the morgue. By this time, I would estimate the crowd at the scene to be about 150. I stood alone in something of a state of shock, and then some co-workers and bosses from my school, VMG, showed up. A man approached me and urged me to talk to the woman I crashed with. She was alive, after all, and didn't go to the hospital. She wanted money. I called my wife Phuong, who arrived three minutes later with her brother and father. Phuong was absolutely amazing. When she approached the scene, the crowd got the hell out of her way. She was like Moses parting the Red Sea. She immediately checked on the White Monkey. I was good enough, so Phuong turned her attention to the "victim." Phuong literally chased away a couple of women who were telling the "victim" how much money to ask for. Phuong gave the woman two options: X amount of money, or we all go to the hospital together. Phuong wanted to close down this circus and send the crowd home. The woman wanted more money, but the police told her to back off and take what was offered ... or go to the hospital. The woman wanted no parts of a hospital because, really, there was nothing they could do for her at this point. She took her money (it doesn't matter who's at fault when the White Money, I mean Monkey, is involved) and everyone went their way, including the victim.
A big thanks to VMG, which is very understanding when I keep calling in sick. Funny thing is, I hate missing class (and being late). A big thanks to the staffers who stopped to express their concern. But for me, Phuong was amazing. She cleared the crowd, dealt with the knuckleheads, and got me the hell out of there. After the accident, two witnesses said the crash was all the woman's fault. But no one at the scene stood up for the White Monkey. Finally, I urge all bike riders to wear a helmet. My head was bouncing on the street like it was being dribbled like a basketball. No helmet and I would have been looking at some serious brain salad surgery.
My bank, U.S. Bank, has shut down my ATM card, leaving the White Monkey with no access to his money. The bank issued new cards with a security chip. I called the bank a month ago requesting my card not be shut off when the new cards became effective. (Mail can be difficult to receive in Vietnam). The guy assured me that U.S. Bank wouldn't shut down my card. ..... pants on fire. Skype reacted by suspending my phone payments. I had an account which let me call the cell phones of family and friends.
I've had better weeks.
OK, White Monkey, you're a taxi.
Sorry for the lousy humor but my motorbike is for sale, with the profits going to a good cause: my father-in-law who has been going to the pharmacy for me daily to buy painkiller.
Yes, I had my second motorbike accident in six weeks, another rib-crushing, hip-smashing, elbow-burning spectacular on Vo Thi Sau, one of the main streets in Bien Hoa. The accident occurred at about 7:20 p.m. as I was scurrying between classes on my job. I was riding from one site to another to teach when a woman pushed her bicycle loaded down with candy into my path as I went around a couple of cars. I hit the bike and flew over the handlebars onto my back in the street. I was told the woman lay down on the street during the accident. (Actually, after I finished my first class I was in a hurry and forgot to put on my helmet as I started up Vo Thi Sau on my bike. I realized my mistake, pulled over, put on the helmet, and crashed about 45 seconds later.) Back to the accident: I lay on the road screaming the f-word (sorry, students) because of the pain. Loads of locals came out from nearby restaurants to help me and see the carnage. They tried to pull me to my feet right away, which I refused. I needed to catch my breath, deal with the pain and continue screaming the f-word. I eventually got to the sidewalk and thought I had killed the woman with the bicycle. Three men were carrying her to a cab, presumably to take her lifeless body to the morgue. By this time, I would estimate the crowd at the scene to be about 150. I stood alone in something of a state of shock, and then some co-workers and bosses from my school, VMG, showed up. A man approached me and urged me to talk to the woman I crashed with. She was alive, after all, and didn't go to the hospital. She wanted money. I called my wife Phuong, who arrived three minutes later with her brother and father. Phuong was absolutely amazing. When she approached the scene, the crowd got the hell out of her way. She was like Moses parting the Red Sea. She immediately checked on the White Monkey. I was good enough, so Phuong turned her attention to the "victim." Phuong literally chased away a couple of women who were telling the "victim" how much money to ask for. Phuong gave the woman two options: X amount of money, or we all go to the hospital together. Phuong wanted to close down this circus and send the crowd home. The woman wanted more money, but the police told her to back off and take what was offered ... or go to the hospital. The woman wanted no parts of a hospital because, really, there was nothing they could do for her at this point. She took her money (it doesn't matter who's at fault when the White Money, I mean Monkey, is involved) and everyone went their way, including the victim.
A big thanks to VMG, which is very understanding when I keep calling in sick. Funny thing is, I hate missing class (and being late). A big thanks to the staffers who stopped to express their concern. But for me, Phuong was amazing. She cleared the crowd, dealt with the knuckleheads, and got me the hell out of there. After the accident, two witnesses said the crash was all the woman's fault. But no one at the scene stood up for the White Monkey. Finally, I urge all bike riders to wear a helmet. My head was bouncing on the street like it was being dribbled like a basketball. No helmet and I would have been looking at some serious brain salad surgery.
My bank, U.S. Bank, has shut down my ATM card, leaving the White Monkey with no access to his money. The bank issued new cards with a security chip. I called the bank a month ago requesting my card not be shut off when the new cards became effective. (Mail can be difficult to receive in Vietnam). The guy assured me that U.S. Bank wouldn't shut down my card. ..... pants on fire. Skype reacted by suspending my phone payments. I had an account which let me call the cell phones of family and friends.
I've had better weeks.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Good-bye handsome; another accident; odd place
My son Alec left Vietnam on Thursday last week, breaking the hearts of countless girls and women in Bien Hoa and beyond. I really enjoyed seeing him ... up to a point. What bothered me was how everyone said that Alec was handsome, good-looking, and even, ugh, beautiful. And handsome. And even worse was the fact that no one credited Alec's dad with passing on the good looks. Alec and I got massages together at "New Style." Our cots were side by side during the massages, and my massage girl kept staring at Alec while rubbing my right forearm, which gives me no problem whatsoever. That really ticked me off. My girl was drooling over Alec, while his massage girl was touching his tattoos like they were the Ark of the Covenant. The girls mumbled something about "old" and then focused even more on Alec. I told the girls he was 25, and joked that I was 26. One girl fired back that I was 62, not 26. I hate a smart-ass. Other than a few stomach issues for both of us, Alec's visit was awesome. I really miss him and our long walks and talks and coffee together, and I look forward to seeing him and my other wonderful children this Thanksgiving.
I had two fantastic classes Saturday night, but afterwards when I was going home at 9:15 p.m., a motorbike rear-ended my motorbike and cracked my back light cover. Two young dudes were on the offending bike. They were both wearing long black pants and long-sleeved white shirts, which is the uniform here. I was turning left from the left-hand side of the right lane with my lights and turn signal on. What an idiot I am. I'm not sure what the hell the guys behind me were doing, but I heard their mouths running and tires skidding just before impact, so either they didn't see me or they chose to hit me. No big deal. They didn't flee like the other two ass clowns that hit me, and they even apologized. I asked if they were OK, they said yes, and we went our separate ways. I had no ill effects from the accident, although my ankle still bothers me from the previous wreck.
Sunday, I saw a good deed that brightened my day. A bike with a dad, mom and son on board was cruising along when a gust of pre-rain wind blew off the boy's cap. An elderly lady riding behind the family stopped her bike in the middle of the road, picked up the boy's cap, waved to the family to return, and gave the boy his cap. We all smiled at each other as I rode by.
The rainy season is getting under way here, but the heat continues to be unsettling. Even my patient, beautiful, Vietnamese wife is complaining about the heat, which peaks at 99 F daily with a "feels like" index of 109. And it's super humid. Adding to the air quality is the daily trash burning in Bien Hoa. There's nothing like the smell of melting plastic and styrofoam on a 99-degree day.
Vietnam continues to be a real yin and yang for me. I see the good samaritan elderly lady stop for the hat, and on the same trip I see some guy on a bike throw his plastic coke bottle in the street while riding next to me. What a turd. But there are turds everywhere, which explains the trash in the street, the plastic bags in the water and all over the beach at Vung Tau. Some people here are so kind and generous and thoughtful, while others seem to live to cut in line and litter. Of course, this isn't just Vietnam, which has been through so much over the past decades. Besides, schizophrenia is everywhere. But right now the White Monkey is here, so this is what I write about.
One of my favorite coffee shops, Vangs, closed. It was replaced by the Texas Coffee and Tea Shop, or something like that. The new place looks like a Starbucks and I'm not sure why there's a Texas reference, but what the hell do I know? I'm more familiar with Texas steak.
Phuong is in her eighth month of pregnancy and officially lost her belly button on Friday. Well, she didn't actually lose it, but her "innie" became an "outie". No matter. I'll always love her.
I had two fantastic classes Saturday night, but afterwards when I was going home at 9:15 p.m., a motorbike rear-ended my motorbike and cracked my back light cover. Two young dudes were on the offending bike. They were both wearing long black pants and long-sleeved white shirts, which is the uniform here. I was turning left from the left-hand side of the right lane with my lights and turn signal on. What an idiot I am. I'm not sure what the hell the guys behind me were doing, but I heard their mouths running and tires skidding just before impact, so either they didn't see me or they chose to hit me. No big deal. They didn't flee like the other two ass clowns that hit me, and they even apologized. I asked if they were OK, they said yes, and we went our separate ways. I had no ill effects from the accident, although my ankle still bothers me from the previous wreck.
Sunday, I saw a good deed that brightened my day. A bike with a dad, mom and son on board was cruising along when a gust of pre-rain wind blew off the boy's cap. An elderly lady riding behind the family stopped her bike in the middle of the road, picked up the boy's cap, waved to the family to return, and gave the boy his cap. We all smiled at each other as I rode by.
The rainy season is getting under way here, but the heat continues to be unsettling. Even my patient, beautiful, Vietnamese wife is complaining about the heat, which peaks at 99 F daily with a "feels like" index of 109. And it's super humid. Adding to the air quality is the daily trash burning in Bien Hoa. There's nothing like the smell of melting plastic and styrofoam on a 99-degree day.
Vietnam continues to be a real yin and yang for me. I see the good samaritan elderly lady stop for the hat, and on the same trip I see some guy on a bike throw his plastic coke bottle in the street while riding next to me. What a turd. But there are turds everywhere, which explains the trash in the street, the plastic bags in the water and all over the beach at Vung Tau. Some people here are so kind and generous and thoughtful, while others seem to live to cut in line and litter. Of course, this isn't just Vietnam, which has been through so much over the past decades. Besides, schizophrenia is everywhere. But right now the White Monkey is here, so this is what I write about.
One of my favorite coffee shops, Vangs, closed. It was replaced by the Texas Coffee and Tea Shop, or something like that. The new place looks like a Starbucks and I'm not sure why there's a Texas reference, but what the hell do I know? I'm more familiar with Texas steak.
Phuong is in her eighth month of pregnancy and officially lost her belly button on Friday. Well, she didn't actually lose it, but her "innie" became an "outie". No matter. I'll always love her.
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Vung Tau with my wife and son
My son Alec arrived in HCMC late Wednesday night and we've been having a blast ever since. Thursday featured head and shoulder massages for Alec and I from two giggling girls, duck for lunch, a long walk to Lido and a short walk to Ghita for coffees, and Phuong's fabulous cooking -- beef, sprouts, onions, garlic and stuff I don't know.
We got up early Friday and, after a stop at ABC Bakery for cheese danish, our driver took us to Vung Tau. Phuong hooked us up with a room next to the beach. She's so cool and awesome. Anyway, we immediately went swimming in the salty and ridiculously warm South China Sea and enjoyed the heck out of it. Phuong surprised Alec and I with how long she stayed in the water and bounced around. Alec enjoyed himself despite jet lag, and the White Monkey attempted to heal his battered body with the salty sea water. Friday was great because the crowds hadn't arrived yet for the holiday weekend. For lunch, we went to a seafood place where you selected the fresh crabs and shrimp you wanted the restaurant to cook. Not too shabby. We returned to the beach for more swimming. For dinner, we took a taxi into the heart of Vung Tau and ate at a Bien Hoa-like outdoor restaurant where we had octopus and some unknown tasty fish along with the greatest fish spring rolls I've ever eaten. Good coffee and lousy pastries followed dinner.
I was shocked at how clean and nice Vung Tau was ... at least the parts we went to. One of the foreign teachers recently quit my school in Bien Hoa to work in Vung Tao, and now I see why.
We got up early Saturday, had lousy, cold coffee and lots of bacon at our breakfast buffet, and then Phuong and I returned to the sea for more bouncing around. Alec relaxed on the beach. The scene was quite different Saturday because hordes of Vietnamese vacationers were on the beach, in the water, and at the buffet. They were pretty cool, but there were lots and lots and lots of them. And 90 percent of them swim in long pants and long-sleeved shirts. The sun is the enemy to these people. Makes sense, I guess.
We checked out and went to a fish/oyster/crab farm on the outskirts of Vung Tau and took a boat to lunch ... all arranged by my incredible wife Phuong. We had a superb lunch of milk octopus, regular octopus, shrimp with sweet and sour sauce, cooked oysters and raw oysters. The raw oysters were unbelievable. Really. I had about a dozen with a wonderful hot sauce. We stopped in Long Thanh to pick up some milk and yogurt on our way home. A happy day, indeed. Alec seemed to enjoy himself, even after I insisted on a long walk in the brutal heat when we got home. No one had dinner. We just slept. As it should be. A mighty thank you to Phuong for doing all the legwork on our little trip. She's the best. I'm the second-best because I still haven't had a cigarette since my motorbike accident five weeks ago.
Also, I feel compelled to mention that one of the passengers on the boat that took us to lunch said I looked like a Hollywood actor. But he didn't say which one. (Maybe it was Ernest Borgnine.) I told Phuong she can now call me Mr Hollygood.
We got up early Friday and, after a stop at ABC Bakery for cheese danish, our driver took us to Vung Tau. Phuong hooked us up with a room next to the beach. She's so cool and awesome. Anyway, we immediately went swimming in the salty and ridiculously warm South China Sea and enjoyed the heck out of it. Phuong surprised Alec and I with how long she stayed in the water and bounced around. Alec enjoyed himself despite jet lag, and the White Monkey attempted to heal his battered body with the salty sea water. Friday was great because the crowds hadn't arrived yet for the holiday weekend. For lunch, we went to a seafood place where you selected the fresh crabs and shrimp you wanted the restaurant to cook. Not too shabby. We returned to the beach for more swimming. For dinner, we took a taxi into the heart of Vung Tau and ate at a Bien Hoa-like outdoor restaurant where we had octopus and some unknown tasty fish along with the greatest fish spring rolls I've ever eaten. Good coffee and lousy pastries followed dinner.
I was shocked at how clean and nice Vung Tau was ... at least the parts we went to. One of the foreign teachers recently quit my school in Bien Hoa to work in Vung Tao, and now I see why.
We got up early Saturday, had lousy, cold coffee and lots of bacon at our breakfast buffet, and then Phuong and I returned to the sea for more bouncing around. Alec relaxed on the beach. The scene was quite different Saturday because hordes of Vietnamese vacationers were on the beach, in the water, and at the buffet. They were pretty cool, but there were lots and lots and lots of them. And 90 percent of them swim in long pants and long-sleeved shirts. The sun is the enemy to these people. Makes sense, I guess.
We checked out and went to a fish/oyster/crab farm on the outskirts of Vung Tau and took a boat to lunch ... all arranged by my incredible wife Phuong. We had a superb lunch of milk octopus, regular octopus, shrimp with sweet and sour sauce, cooked oysters and raw oysters. The raw oysters were unbelievable. Really. I had about a dozen with a wonderful hot sauce. We stopped in Long Thanh to pick up some milk and yogurt on our way home. A happy day, indeed. Alec seemed to enjoy himself, even after I insisted on a long walk in the brutal heat when we got home. No one had dinner. We just slept. As it should be. A mighty thank you to Phuong for doing all the legwork on our little trip. She's the best. I'm the second-best because I still haven't had a cigarette since my motorbike accident five weeks ago.
Also, I feel compelled to mention that one of the passengers on the boat that took us to lunch said I looked like a Hollywood actor. But he didn't say which one. (Maybe it was Ernest Borgnine.) I told Phuong she can now call me Mr Hollygood.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Hot hockey, litter, a due date
The Vietnam heat has been relentless. It has been 36 to 37 degrees Celsius every day (about 98 or 99 Farenheit). The humidity is probably in the 60s and 70s. Luckily, I haven't been working a ton of hours, but when I do teach, I drip sweat on papers, on my computer, but never on my students. I'm careful about that. But the students grab the air conditioner remote before I get in the classroom and set the temperature to 29 degrees Celsius, which is a sticky 84 F. Teaching in those conditions is miserable for the White Monkey, but the students are chilly (the girls should wear more clothes). Only two things annoy me more: When students say "What the f$%^@" for no reason or when they immediately ask me to "Play game teacher?" But my classes are going quite well and work is a highlight at the moment. The students are great.
The big reminder of my motorbike accident is persistent pain in my right ankle. The doctor mentioned something about a tiny fracture, but said nothing more after that. I continue my daily walks with my cane and I do tai chi in the sometimes trashy, smelly park. My tai chi isn't very good at the moment with the bad ankle.
Litter in the park makes me sad because the park has real potential. But so many people here just don't get it. Littering in Bien Hoa is as natural as staring at foreigners. Adults throw crap out of trucks and off motorbikes -- and laugh about it, students throw trash on the floor at my school (and I make them pick it up, which they hate), and little kids buy candy and immediately throw the wrappers in the street. Happy Earth Day (April 22) everyone! One of my Vietnamese students had a great line last year about Earth Day: "Earth Day is when people in Bien Hoa turn off their lights and go outside and throw trash in the street." Some of the kids are starting to get it, but it's going take a little time.
There was a wedding outside our house on Saturday, which means the street closes and people sing wretched karaoke. It's quite fun, really.
One of my facebook friends mentioned that in my pose with the cane I looked like I was going to cross check someone (a nasty ice hockey maneuver). I haven't had to go to that extreme yet on the walk, although sidewalk motorbike riders and corner cutters have banged into my cane on several occasions. I don't flinch and in the NHL I might have picked up a slashing penalty or two, but the refs here would probably say play on. When guys and girls are on the motorbike in Bien Hoa, they only care about themselves. That's why the cane is invaluable. I'll use the cane even if my ankle gets better.
The best thing to come out my accident is that I haven't had a cigarette in over a month. Phuong is thrilled, and the slight, lingering discomfort in my right lung from the wreck serves as an incentive to not smoke. I don't even care if I put on weight. Besides, I'm married now anyway.
Phuong got jealous of my cooking and cleaning, and we've been competing to do chores. It's kind of fun because we'll play "rock, scissors, paper" to do dishes and such. Problem is, Phuong never, ever loses ... so I've become chore boy again.
Phuong's visit to the hospital in Ho Chi Minh City went well and the doctor gave us a due date of July 4. That means nothing here. The baby is a little bigger than average. Everyone asks if we're having a boy or girl, and of course we say we don't care, which is true. We don't. We just hope and pray for a healthy, normal baby.
My son Alec will be here in a few days. Awesome. Really miss all of my children.
The big reminder of my motorbike accident is persistent pain in my right ankle. The doctor mentioned something about a tiny fracture, but said nothing more after that. I continue my daily walks with my cane and I do tai chi in the sometimes trashy, smelly park. My tai chi isn't very good at the moment with the bad ankle.
Litter in the park makes me sad because the park has real potential. But so many people here just don't get it. Littering in Bien Hoa is as natural as staring at foreigners. Adults throw crap out of trucks and off motorbikes -- and laugh about it, students throw trash on the floor at my school (and I make them pick it up, which they hate), and little kids buy candy and immediately throw the wrappers in the street. Happy Earth Day (April 22) everyone! One of my Vietnamese students had a great line last year about Earth Day: "Earth Day is when people in Bien Hoa turn off their lights and go outside and throw trash in the street." Some of the kids are starting to get it, but it's going take a little time.
There was a wedding outside our house on Saturday, which means the street closes and people sing wretched karaoke. It's quite fun, really.
One of my facebook friends mentioned that in my pose with the cane I looked like I was going to cross check someone (a nasty ice hockey maneuver). I haven't had to go to that extreme yet on the walk, although sidewalk motorbike riders and corner cutters have banged into my cane on several occasions. I don't flinch and in the NHL I might have picked up a slashing penalty or two, but the refs here would probably say play on. When guys and girls are on the motorbike in Bien Hoa, they only care about themselves. That's why the cane is invaluable. I'll use the cane even if my ankle gets better.
The best thing to come out my accident is that I haven't had a cigarette in over a month. Phuong is thrilled, and the slight, lingering discomfort in my right lung from the wreck serves as an incentive to not smoke. I don't even care if I put on weight. Besides, I'm married now anyway.
Phuong got jealous of my cooking and cleaning, and we've been competing to do chores. It's kind of fun because we'll play "rock, scissors, paper" to do dishes and such. Problem is, Phuong never, ever loses ... so I've become chore boy again.
Phuong's visit to the hospital in Ho Chi Minh City went well and the doctor gave us a due date of July 4. That means nothing here. The baby is a little bigger than average. Everyone asks if we're having a boy or girl, and of course we say we don't care, which is true. We don't. We just hope and pray for a healthy, normal baby.
My son Alec will be here in a few days. Awesome. Really miss all of my children.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Pain, pain goes away
A life of pain would be impossible. I hurt pretty bad for more than three weeks from my stupid bike accident and began to feel despair, depression and frustration. I wondered if I was ever going to stop hurting. The good news ... make that great news for me, at least ... is that the pain in my back subsided. I can sleep, cough, fart and sneeze again without fear of agonizing pain in my chest, ribs, right lung, and back. It's a whole new world. Father Time may be undefeated when it comes to sports and life, but pain strikes fear in the hearts of all mortals. My right ankle still hurts quite a bit, but I can walk and stand well enough to teach. I never sit when I teach, and my ankle throbs afterwards, but that's not really an issue for the White Monkey. l can stand the pain, so to speak, and have even returned to some tai chi in the park after a walk to the coffee shop by the river. When I take my walk to the coffee shop -- about three miles round-trip from our house -- I carry a cane. It's actually a bamboo stick with a rubber tip taken from some crutches. The cane has been invaluable keeping num-nuts on their bikes away from me. People on their bikes here are stupid, selfish and dangerous, and not always in that order. They ride on sidewalks when I'm walking and almost hit me; they cut corners so close they almost hit me when I cross the street; and they come up behind me when I walk in the street and, yes, almost hit me. But I have a solution. My cane goes from a vertical to horizontal position when a bike approaches the White Monkey too closely. And the morons who want to intimidate the White Monkey or just be stupid seem to get the message. The bikers give me a little room now because they don't want a bamboo stick across their face. I would never try to hurt anyone or be aggressive, but I won't get hit by some idiot who wants to show off. If it's me or the idiot, it ain't gonna be me. That idiot can live with three or more weeks of pain. I've already done that, so I'll pass on another collision.
I lost my cool at Metro with a line-cutter. When you buy cooked food, you have to ring a bell to get a guy or gal to come from the back and serve you. When I tried to make eye contact with the servers instead of ringing the bell, they didn't get it. So I rang the bell, a guy came out, and some woman appears out of nowhere, honest to god bangs into me, and shouted her order of three chicken wings to the server. The guy waited on her and ignored me (the bell ringer), and that's when I kind of lost it. But this crap happens every day here. Happened in Peru, too, but the staff was much nicer in Peru and the weather was the best in the world. Oh, the weather is rough, rough, rough here. Midday temps are in the upper-90s with 90 percent humidity. Rainy season will be a relief, except when I ride the motorbike to work in the rain.
Phuong speaks very good English, but sometimes she doesn't get the words 100 percent correct. But it's OK because her "mistakes" are cute and make me smile. For example, she assures me that even if a really handsome man from "Hollygood" came on to her, she would still stand by her man, whoever the hell that is. When I tell Phuong about some pinhead who almost hit on his bike, she tells me not to worry about the "slow life" of Bien Hoa. I think she means low life, but slow life works for me as well. And Phuong's college teacher taught her to start a lot of sentences with "summarize." She'll say things like: "Summarize, I'm tired and hungry. Summarize, the baby is moving a lot today."
My son Alec will be here in 10 days and I'm super excited. Alec is quite handsome. He's no slow life. Summarize, he looks like a guy from Hollygood.
I lost my cool at Metro with a line-cutter. When you buy cooked food, you have to ring a bell to get a guy or gal to come from the back and serve you. When I tried to make eye contact with the servers instead of ringing the bell, they didn't get it. So I rang the bell, a guy came out, and some woman appears out of nowhere, honest to god bangs into me, and shouted her order of three chicken wings to the server. The guy waited on her and ignored me (the bell ringer), and that's when I kind of lost it. But this crap happens every day here. Happened in Peru, too, but the staff was much nicer in Peru and the weather was the best in the world. Oh, the weather is rough, rough, rough here. Midday temps are in the upper-90s with 90 percent humidity. Rainy season will be a relief, except when I ride the motorbike to work in the rain.
Phuong speaks very good English, but sometimes she doesn't get the words 100 percent correct. But it's OK because her "mistakes" are cute and make me smile. For example, she assures me that even if a really handsome man from "Hollygood" came on to her, she would still stand by her man, whoever the hell that is. When I tell Phuong about some pinhead who almost hit on his bike, she tells me not to worry about the "slow life" of Bien Hoa. I think she means low life, but slow life works for me as well. And Phuong's college teacher taught her to start a lot of sentences with "summarize." She'll say things like: "Summarize, I'm tired and hungry. Summarize, the baby is moving a lot today."
My son Alec will be here in 10 days and I'm super excited. Alec is quite handsome. He's no slow life. Summarize, he looks like a guy from Hollygood.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Handsome, beautiful and unbelievable
I didn't teach for a couple of weeks as I tried to recover from my motorbike crash injuries. The recovery hasn't gone as well as I would like because the injuries were a little worse than I thought and I'm 61 years old. The body doesn't bounce back like it used to, especially when it's 95 degrees and humid every day. But I have returned to the classroom, and the classes are going very well, all things considered. My bosses wisely took me off most of the kids classes. Those classes require a little more mobility than I have at the moment. Most of my classes consist of a lot of young girls, and they've expressed their disappointment that I'm not young and handsome like their previous teachers. I tell them that they should have seen me before the accident. Wow! I was quite the hunk ... a real hunk of ... well, you get the idea. Looks and appearance are very, very, very important in this part of the world. "Handsome" and "beautiful" are the two most popular English words in Bien Hoa. I hear them more than any other words from students and strangers and teachers and staffers. The next most popular words are "really?" and "unbelievable." A distant third is "Where you from and what your name?" And in fourth, it's "What the f#@&??"
Anyway, I hear the looks thing is even worse in Thailand, but you can't tell the boys from the girls there without a program. Looks mean nothing to me -- my looks and how others look -- probably because of my age. If people treat me well and have good hearts, they're beautiful. Otherwise, they can stand between two mirrors and admire themselves all day for all I care. My wife is that rare combination of good looks and spiritual beauty. That's why I feel so lucky. I'm a different combination so you'll have to ask her how she feels.
I've taken over most of the cooking and cleaning duties as Phuong continues to battle minor stomach issues related to her pregnancy. She's into her seventh month. But I am happy to report that her stomach has improved dramatically since I took over the cooking. I've gone to a lot of fresh vegetables (that I wash thoroughly and boil before eating) and lots of canned beans and lentils. I cooked steak the other night; an ostrich last night that rocked; spaghetti with zucchini and chicken; and salmon and microwaved "baked" potatoes. Tonight it's ca ba sa, whatever the hell that is ... actually, it's some kind of fish that Phuong wanted. There's always all-natural Da Lat yogurt, all-natural cookies, and semi-natural raspberry concentrate for dessert. OK, so I'm not "handsome" or "beautiful", but I CAN cook, girls. Really! Unbelievable!
I'm getting very excited about my son Alec's visit to Bien Hoa in a couple of weeks. We've planned a trip to the beach and we're going to visit every massage parlor in Bien Hoa. Well, we do have a beach trip planned. Should be fun. He and Phuong are looking forward to meeting each other, and if my body is able we'll try to hit the tennis ball a little. No matter what we do, just seeing him will make me so happy. Can't wait.
Anyway, I hear the looks thing is even worse in Thailand, but you can't tell the boys from the girls there without a program. Looks mean nothing to me -- my looks and how others look -- probably because of my age. If people treat me well and have good hearts, they're beautiful. Otherwise, they can stand between two mirrors and admire themselves all day for all I care. My wife is that rare combination of good looks and spiritual beauty. That's why I feel so lucky. I'm a different combination so you'll have to ask her how she feels.
I've taken over most of the cooking and cleaning duties as Phuong continues to battle minor stomach issues related to her pregnancy. She's into her seventh month. But I am happy to report that her stomach has improved dramatically since I took over the cooking. I've gone to a lot of fresh vegetables (that I wash thoroughly and boil before eating) and lots of canned beans and lentils. I cooked steak the other night; an ostrich last night that rocked; spaghetti with zucchini and chicken; and salmon and microwaved "baked" potatoes. Tonight it's ca ba sa, whatever the hell that is ... actually, it's some kind of fish that Phuong wanted. There's always all-natural Da Lat yogurt, all-natural cookies, and semi-natural raspberry concentrate for dessert. OK, so I'm not "handsome" or "beautiful", but I CAN cook, girls. Really! Unbelievable!
I'm getting very excited about my son Alec's visit to Bien Hoa in a couple of weeks. We've planned a trip to the beach and we're going to visit every massage parlor in Bien Hoa. Well, we do have a beach trip planned. Should be fun. He and Phuong are looking forward to meeting each other, and if my body is able we'll try to hit the tennis ball a little. No matter what we do, just seeing him will make me so happy. Can't wait.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)