Why am I still here?

The ups and downs of an ex-pat white monkey clearly hit the downside this past week or so. People raised their voices at me unexpectedly when I was actually trying to do the right thing. People came up to me at a local restaurant and said f%$ y$# while I was trying to mind my own business and eat. I no longer frequent that restaurant, or any outdoor-style restaurant where the white monkey seems to be a target for ridicule from morons looking to impress their "girlfriends" or just plain morons in general. I parked my motorbike at a store and a girl and guy on a bike drove up, bumped my leg as I was locking up my helmet (I've had a few stolen already), and the guy yells in adequate English: "Why don't you move?" By the way, the parking lot was virtually empty at the time. I was eating dinner in my living room the other day and watching TV, then looked out my front door and saw five people watching me eat and watch TV. I guess the white monkey is great entertainment. My neighbors, who really are nice people, came over to my motorbike when I got home from the grocery store and started looking through my groceries. They're probably doing their doctorate thesis on shopping habits of the white monkey. I think I'm forgetting most of the uncomfortable stuff that's happened to me in Bien Hoa, but I think you get the idea. I've been hassled in other countries a little, with the emphasis on "ä little". We all have slumps.
As I've said before, the white monkey is pretty much a gentle creature. I responded rather meekly -- usually with silence -- to these affronts. I don't want a scene in a foreign country where I would be at fault no matter who's at fault. I did walk toward the guy on the motorbike who yelled at me (the girl was driving and laying on the horn apparently trying to get me to "move"). But I thought better of it, shrugged, cursed a little and left without incident or what I went there for in the first place. People do ask me "What's you name?" and "How are you?" and "Am I pretty?" quite a bit, so it's not all hostile.
  When I contact people in the USA and tell my tales of woe, they tell me to leave. That's certainly an option. If it weren't for the students, I would certainly consider that option real, real hard. But the students, especially the younger ones, are the reasons the white monkey endures the brutal heat and abuse outside the classroom. The students now understand key phrases like "please," "thank you," "ladies first," "clean up your work area," and "share," and I've noticed their English and pronunciation have improved significantly along with manners, understanding and behavior. If butt clowns want to be butt clowns, I can't really change that, but I can make a little difference in the classroom. I guess that's why I'm still here.

Great staffers, students and neighbors

Man, am I in a good place right now. The house that the VMG staff found for me is like living in a little piece of heaven. The neighbors are incredible. They keep an eye on me to be sure, but in a good way.  I bought food from a guy who comes down our street with a cart, and my neighbors came out to make sure the price was fair and I got what I wanted. It was good food, by the way -- chicken, corn, sausage, and stuff I didn't recognize. The neighbors always point to show me I've left an upstairs light on, or that I forgot my motorcycle helmet (no brain). The people here seem to really care about you.
My house is so cool that I've been using the air conditioning for only a couple hours a day.
The staffers at VMG are just as cool. First, they found my house for me. But if I have trouble at work, like the copy machine jams or I need teaching materials, they do everything they can to help. Thien, Thu, Nguyen, Le Chinh, Nuhn (I'm sure I'm spelling the names wrong), accounting, Long Thanh and everyone in-between, do their best to make my experience here very positive. And they're very busy now because our school is expanding. So I thank these guys for putting up with the White Monkey, who makes lousy jokes, whines too much, and is a general pain in the ass.
The students here continue to shine.The younger students get it so fast with good pronunciation. The older students work hard. I understand how difficult it is to learn a language when you're older. I sympathize. The students can be a little chatty. As my wonderful mentor Laurie Dewey used to say to me: Welcome to teaching, Mr. Millman.
If I drank alcohol, I would have a toast to all of these guys. Instead, I'll have a nuoc mia.
Since I'm a slow learner, it has taken a little while for me to adjust to life here. Now I know it's been worth it.
The kids on bicycles are amazing here. They ride right in the middle of the wild traffic and don't flinch. When there's two kids on one bike, which is quite often, both kids will have their feet on the pedals so they work together and go faster. I rarely saw that in the U.S. (just about everyone was in a car). The motorbike is an easy adjustment for the young people here.
My school, VMG, is doing a Go Green campaign now. That's a great idea since litter and pollution are problems here. Well, they're problems everywhere. Teaching young people about these issues is one of the best ways to foster change. The students in my classes know they have to clean the room at the end of our lesson, and it's always "ladies first."  I'm trying to do my small part to help foster positive change.
I miss my children and hope to have a couple of them come visit. Otherwise, all is well except my Vietnamese language skills and lack of brain.
 

Happy birthday Le Chinh

I promised one of the young VMG staffers (the beautiful Le Chinh) a cake, and when I bought it I asked the ABC Bakery "worker" to write her name on it. I gave the "worker" a piece of paper with Le Chinh's name on it. So the girl writes "Happy Birthday Le Chinh" on the little cake. That was so nice, except that it's not Chinh's birthday. I have no idea when Chinh's birthday is, but I don't have to get her anything now. And I have no idea how to say or write happy birthday in Vietnamese.
I have returned to teaching full-time and I'm very happy about that. The students are always cool here. Some are more serious than others, but there's not a stinker in the bunch. Of course they're serious ... they're paying. That's why I feel obligated to do my best to make sure they have a positive experience and learn English. Good times for all, especially me. I taught students from Laos the other day and it was thoroughly enjoyable. What a nice bunch. The locals are entertaining as well. And everyone in an IC7 class laughed and gave me curious looks when I when I tried to speak Vietnamese for a sentence or two. I gave that up after that one class. I have enough trouble with English. But I'm starting to recognize words when the Vietnamese are talking. They keep saying something about a white monkey. The tones are impossibly difficult and trying to emulate them is nothing short of futile for me. But I'm not giving up.
I am in the process of moving into a new apartment. It's nice and I love the location, location, location  (a realtor once said that to me and my ex-wife). The drive to work is a little longer but a lot more reasonable in terms of traffic. The neighbors seem to be awesome. They smile and wave while keeping the staring to minimum. The only downside is that I'm near a cut-through street, and sometimes I get the feeling I'm being sized up for a future assault and robbery by the passers-by. It could be paranoia, but I've learned to keep my eyes open very wide, even though I don't see well. Luckily, I don't have much money, but hooligans don't know that. The Khanh Dang Hotel has been acceptable and I'll miss the employees there. They won't miss me because I've broken every glass object in the room.
I had yet another motorcycle bump the other day. A bike cut in front of me and didn't get out of the way fast enough. I sure as hell didn't slow down and waved as I continued on my way. Riding the bike and crossing traffic has become exhilarating for me. I almost look forward to making turns so I can cut someone off and scare the daylights out of oncoming traffic. I kind of get it now. If only speaking Vietnamese was this exhilarating.

Massage misunderstanding

 I had an awkward moment with the massage girl the other day. She was slapping my head around (which is very soothing, believe it or not) when I got a slight cramp in my back. I kind of shifted to my side a little and I believe she thought I was rolling over to my stomach, and she started emphatically saying NO NO NO!!!  I've been to this place about 20 times and they should know by now that I'm not there for anything other than a head massage to try to stimulate some brain growth. I suspect she thought I had other ideas by the way she reacted, but I shifted back into place and all was well after that. The girls do some tapping on the sides of my head, and put pressure on my temples ... that kind of stuff. It's truly wonderful and they're very nice.
I looked at a fantastic apartment today, and I really hope I get it since I may stick around here. If not, I guess it wasn't meant to be, and you can call me Mr. Khanh Dang Hotel. The hotel is fine, but I miss cooking and having some space and privacy, and I live in one of the busier (if not busiest) spots in Bien Hoa. Whatever happens will happen for the best. If not, it'll just happen anyway.
I'm no genius. In fact, the existence of my brain has come into question. Maybe that's why I've had a heck of a time learning even a little bit of Vietnamese. Listening and memorizing words are going OK, but speaking is rough, rough, rough. No matter what I say, even if I repeat it right after it's said to me, I screw it up. At least that's what I'm told ... by the locals who AREN'T SHY about pointing out my mistakes. I keep them plenty busy by making plenty of mistakes. I guess the people don't want to encourage a speaker as poor as the White Monkey. But I won't stop trying since I've decided I like it here, I really like teaching here, and I really like the students here. I publicly apologize to all the locals for the times I've been frustrated when they've actually tried to help me. That is the American way. Well, it's my way, sometimes, which is why I'm apologizing.
Speaking of students (well, I was a few sentences ago), many students here have become my facebook friends, and they AREN'T SHY about pointing out the mistakes on my facebook posts. I actually like and appreciate this, since I used to be an editor and I don't want to screw up anything about the local community or the names of the people who live here. It's dumb and it looks bad for a teacher to not know what the hell he's talking about. Even a teacher with no brain. Accuracy is everything, especially when you're writing about and posting photos of someone else's home and family.
Valentine's Day is a fairly big deal here, and everyone's in a festive mood after Tet. Me? I couldn't care less, really, but it's fun for the students and it gives me a chance to explain the difference in English between liking someone and loving someone, or disliking someone and hating someone. The students seem fairly interested. I have only taught a little this week, but the classes have been great. One class seemed a little afraid of me, but really, the White Monkey is a gentle creature when you get to know him. Just don't listen to his Vietnamese.

Say what? Can you repeat that?

My Vietnamese lessons from Donna YouTube have served me well, and annoyed a couple of local shop owners. I have a very basic understanding of the number system from 1 to 100, which is really all that you need in order to find out  what something costs. I can ask "How much?" before I pay, and I can sort of understand what the person is charging me. That knowledge killed one sale today, and forced another lady to give me the items I really wanted before I would pay. Both proprietors seemed pissed off, which is fine by me. I was polite. Vietnamese has sharp tones, so I couldn't tell if they were yelling at me or simply correcting my pronunciation. I think they were yelling at me. Most  folks are helpful when it comes to pronunciation, like coffee shop girl Hom, and hotel ladies Kimba and My Chi. A few folks seem to think that a White Monkey with knowledge is a dangerous animal. Hardly. I'm more than happy to repeat my Vietnamese until it's understood, or do without. Most times, I do without. And in fairness to the people I'm dealing with, they've got to listen to and try to understand my almost incomprehensible Vietnamese drivel that I read from a little notebook I carry. Oh well. Bien Hoa doesn't have a lot of westerners or English speakers.
Teenagers drink alcohol here. Or at least they look like teenagers. The males drink the watery beer and the girls drink Sting, an energy drink. They do the "Hai, Ba, Yo" (2-3-Yo) and chug thing, a tradition I can do without. Since I'm not drinking, it's not an issue for me other than being in the company of a lot of really drunk young people while I try to eat dinner. They seem really perplexed by my water drinking and refusal of alcohol, but that's life in the slow (and old) lane. I just point to my head when they offer to buy me a beer, which happens nearly every time I go out after 8 p.m. I've been going to bed early these days. It's killing me refusing free beer. I still don't know the names of all the foods, so I ended up with a meal of eels and tripe the other day. It was OK.
Co-teacher Joy suggested I take a motorbike ride and explore the city. So I went out and promptly got lost for nearly four hours on the other side of the Dong Nai River. And burned the hell out of my leg on the hot muffler. I was no more than 10-15 kilometers from my hotel, but when I asked the way to Bien Hoa, it was like I was speaking another language, like English. I finally found a nice coffee shop lady who pointed me in the right direction. When I got back to the hotel, my back tire was flat. I was lucky to make it. A guy fixed the flat the next day for about $1.50 USD, or 30,000 dong.
The city was really cleaned up for Tet, and most of the shops and stores are still closed. It's wonderful here, especially when you factor in the nice weather we've been having. Of course, many of the locals are "cold." I can't tell what's open or when. The supermarket shelves were pretty empty today, and then the supermarket closed before 2 p.m. While the city is pretty tidy, the canal that runs through town is pretty gnarly. Maybe that's where all the trash went. The canal smells, and it isn't pleasant. But that's always the case.
Classes start next week and I'm really happy about that. Trying to learn Vietnamese from Donna YouTube is excruciating, especially when you don't have a brain. And worst of all, the place where I get my head massage is closed this week.

Words for the wise

The misconception here among a handful of shop owners and other folk is that I´m the White Money, not the White Monkey. If they only knew. But instead of sitting by idly while a few shops overcharge me and others talk about me in Vietnamese when I´m standing in front of them, I´ve actually taken some sort of action. I´ve begun ´´learning´´ the language with YouTube tutorials (Donna is quite nice and doesn´t laugh at me when I try). It´s helped. I can count to 100, name the days of the week, and ask how you´re doing. The intonation and pronunciation are still difficult and will always be, but at least I´m in the neighborhood with some very basic Vietnamese. Just like Peru, people don´t care that you´re clueless, and they talk fast and in the local vernacular. And they´re very impatient when you don´t pick something up right away or pronounce words incorrectly (it´s not easy being a teacher, is it?). But I know charades is hopeless for whatever reason. I point to shoelaces and I´m sold a bra. Are my boobs drooping that low? So that´s why I force people here to listen to my godawful Vietnamese and correct me if they´re so inclined. Interestingly, locals don´t always agree on how to pronounce something, and they´ll argue among themselves quite adamantly about their position. Whatever. Just don´t rip me off and talk about me, unless it´s nice like Donna. I actually believe some people appreciate that I´m trying to adapt. They´re only charging me twice as much instead of three times as much. Just kidding. Some people have told me not to bother learning the language and that no one will ever understand me. Could be, but ignorance isn´t really bliss in this case, and learning words and phrases gives me something to do while I wait for classes to start again in February. Knowledge is good.
I had the wrong day for the Tet holiday, which I want to blame on traveling across the International Date Line but can´t since that doesn´t make any sense. I blame jet lag and no brain. Two days after arriving here, I thought I´d take a nap at 4 in the afternoon and woke up the next day -- 16 hours later. Tet is Friday, I think. I´ve been warned to stay off the roads tonight as people celebrate. Just like New Year´s, when too many people get drunk and drive -- and shouldn´t.
As I´ve said before, the vast, vast majority of people here are extremely kind and generous. They seem even a little nicer this time around. Perhaps they appreciate that I returned. Nah, what the hell am I thinking? There are some folks from other parts of the world drawn to the pretty women here. I´m no threat in that regard and I´ve made my intentions quite clear that I´m here to teach and learn the culture, and no more.
I already miss my kids, but they´re all so busy that we had to scramble to get together when I was in the U.S. Hey, the weather is great here right now. It´s not too hot, and actually gets a tiny bit cool (60s sometimes) at night. Eat your heart out East Coast.
I won´t show off and drop any Vietnamese on you. I´ll just say I can´t wait to teach and see the students again.
I also want to thank my brother Tom and his wife Shaila for letting the White Monkey crash at their pad and eat all their fruit.

(White) monkey see, (white) monkey do

My trip to the frigid and snowy USA was wonderful. I visited family (my superkids Jessica, Caroline, Jack and Alec) and friends while trashing a rental car and picking up a speeding ticket along the way. I spent a lot of money, mostly on medical stuff for which I have no insurance. Come to think of it, I don't really have any insurance -- or brain. But believe it or not, it's good to be back in Vietnam and see VMG staffers, students, teacher Joy and town folk. They're good people who seem to enjoy seeing the "white monkey" living outside his natural habitat. People in the U.S. were very hospitable -- the Sturms (great people), Ron Whiteside (the cat whisperer who is one good dude), my ex-wife Lynda, Tom Eleutario and Becky, Andy and Jane Vincent, and Dunkin' Donuts, where I set an unofficial record for cappuccinos drunk in five weeks. And in the U.S., only one chucklehead cut in line. I did quite a bit of walking in Glen Helen in Yellow Springs, and I also walked my ex-wife's dog.
     I got my motorbike back from Mr. Tu, and immediately entered the insanely busy pre-Tet traffic of Bien Hoa. It looks like prices rise before Tet as well, and one tradition is to give out "lucky money" to everyone. Tet is kind of like Christmas and New Year's rolled into one, and  it's somehow tied to the moon. I haven't done my research. I'm still struggling with the language so I have other issues. It was great to bump into some old students, who I hope to teach in February. I miss those guys. It was also great to get a head massage. My empty head feels wonderful. I'm back at the hotel and it's fine for now.  I visited friends Oanh and Vila, who work at a local restaurant. I won't teach until Feb. 10, so I may go to Cambodia and spend more money.
    I was lucky to get out of the U.S. because snowmaggedon had arrived in Virginia and a car flipped over on the highway leading to Dulles airport, making travel problematic. Snow cancelled my flight to Newark, N.J., so the nice lady at the airport got me on a flight to Tokyo, where I spent a little bit of time because I missed my connection to Vietnam. I made it to Ho Chi Minh City, where I was greeted by friendly VMG staffer Thien. The folk in Vietnam astutely observed -- and promptly told me -- that I've gotten fat. Nothing like home cooking.  I've been sleeping and kicking around Bien Hoa. I've got to be careful. I could get used to this lifestyle. However, I can't wait to start teaching and see the students again. Sometimes, life can be OK, even for a fat white monkey.