Code of the road

Riding a motorbike in Vietnam is quite the experience. Like going to the dentist. Or a proctologist. But after a few weeks of navigating the rocky and crowded roads of Bien Hoa, I realize there is a method to the madness. Here are some of the rules of the road:
-- Right or wrong, cars have right of way. And believe me, they take it. Be prepared.
-- You are responsible for what's in front of you. Riders stop for no apparent reason. They swerve unexpectedly to the left or right. They text while riding. If any of this happens in front of you, it's your responsibility. Be prepared.
-- The far right lane is a free-for-all. Bikes come from both directions. Bikes enter from side streets and they don't yield, care or look for oncoming traffic. Bikes come toward you in this lane as well. They're probably trying to cross the street, or they've just crossed the street from the other side. Be prepared.
-- Bikes will pass you on the left and right. Some chuckleheads will fly past you at high rates of speed and come within inches of you. I look quickly into my side mirrors quite a bit, but I don't linger because anything can happen in front of you. Be prepared.
-- If you stop at a light and leave seven inches between your bike and the bike in front of you, I guarantee some other biker will push his tire between you and the bike ahead of you so he or she can can move ahead of you. There's no real etiquette. Of course, it's the same thing at the market. There's no shame here in cutting in line. Be prepared.
-- Crossing the road takes raw courage. You edge into the oncoming traffic and hope the bikes swerve around you. You do this bit by bit until you've reached the other side. Be really, really prepared.
-- Driving a little faster than the rest of traffic is actually safer than taking your time and going with the flow. The idea is to create space.

I had a bad reaction to something I ate, and I've broken out in welts. Luckily, they're not on my face. I've  just about gotten rid of my face fungus. I'll adapt, eventually, but the process is excruciating.
My son Jack is coming in less than a week, and I'm really excited about that. I'll be able to talk English with someone. I've learned a teeny weeny bit of Vietnamese, but it's a slow process. Kind of like getting rid of my skin ailments.
I've lost power in my apartment a couple of times. Forget the lights; the real issue is no fans or air conditioning. The roaches sensed the power outage and invaded en masse. I swept seven dead roaches off the floor after a sleepless night of sweating, and then taught three classes.
Rain has been very heavy lately, but I don't mind. It's cooler, and I'm usually already wet from sweating.
Food is still amazing, students are still great and other than a few complaints, I don't really have any complaints. Huh? 

A non-verbal knucklehead learns

In the past week or so, I realized I was misreading some of the non-verbal cues from the fine folk of Bien Hoa. The easy one: The peace sign means hello; westerners wave their hand to say hi. Next, when the Vietnamese shake their hand quickly back and forth (with no arm movement), that means "no" or "we don't have what you want." I thought it meant "maybe" or "don't know." This misunderstanding caused me more than a little grief and confusion. Finally, when the middle-aged males gave me the stare, I thought it was alpha-male, machismo, smack-down time. Wrong again. When I got the stare a couple times this past week, I politely bowed my head and smiled, and they responded in kind. I wish I figured this out earlier. They just wanted to see how the visitor treats others. Got it.
I've developed a hideous rash on my face from a motorbike helmet chinstrap. I've got medicine, but the heat and my sweating keeps the rash thriving. It features blisters and swelling welts. Lovely. Welcome to the tropics. I'm growing a beard to cover it.
Also got a stomach thing. It's not as bad as the ones I got in Peru, but it's got my attention. Oddly, with a frightful face and grinding gut, I had a wonderful week of classes.  Students were great (and probably intimidated by my Frankenface) and the lessons went really well. Go figure.
My apartment is a little like Animal Planet, which I watch every night on the apartment's wonderful flat-screen TV. I've seen  a couple generations of geckos come and go. I watch them mature from little babies to full-fledged lizards. They play in my trash, run all over the walls, and hide behind the pictures on the walls and under the throw rugs. They keep the roaches and mosquitoes at bay. Nature is so beautiful.
Finally, I broke my vow and bought a motorbike Thursday. I got tired of walking everywhere and arriving a sweaty mess, and I needed some freedom of movement. My two favorite coffee/smoothie spots near my house are gone. One closed and moved. The other one burned down. Now I've got mobility to find a new coffee spot where I can sit and watch the motorbikes go by. The traffic is wild and comes at you from every direction, and you trade paint with the bikes alongside you. But if you take it slow and are really careful .... you'll probably still get smashed. Screw it.